Like I said, criticism comes in waves for me. And it continued today.
When I was sitting at the organ during the sacrament ordinance, I began my prayer. I honestly didn't know how to begin it, so I just started talking (in my head) to Heavenly Father. Here was my prayer:
"Heavenly Father, this has been a really terrible week for me. I've been criticized and cut down and made to feel as if I'm nothing. I've done my best, Heavenly Father, to keep going. I've done my best to turn the other cheek. I've done my best to be humble and move on. But Heavenly Father, I don't think I can handle much more of this."
At that point, at very specific thought came to me, and I know it was prompted by my very loving Heavenly Father.
I thought of my Savior. I thought of all that he went through in his life. During his ministry, he was criticized and cut down and made to feel as if he was nothing. He kept going. He turned the other cheek. He was humble and accepted the suffering that he was given.
When I shared this thought with John, he too shared my tears, and told me something that I will hold dear for the rest of my life.
This week, I have been in good company.
Of course my suffering is nothing in comparison to what the Savior went through. But I have done my best to react the same way as Jesus. I haven't cast dispersions back on the people who have been cruel. I haven't reacted in anger. I have accepted what I have been given, and I have been as strong as possible through it all.
If I have learned nothing through all of this, I have at least come to understand and feel closer to my Savior. What suffering he must have endured amidst all of the persecution. All I have had to endure is a little bit of criticism. I'm thankful that I know that he knows how I feel. He has felt it all. Because of this, my suffering can be lightened, and that is a blessing.
I am reminded too that I have a responsibility to keep going. As I was reading in the Book of Mormon last night, I came upon this scripture:
Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in agood works, that Christ, the bLord God Omnipotent, may cseal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of him who dcreated all things, in heaven and in earth, who is God above all.
I would like to end my post there, but just so that everyone understands the Bizarro world that I have been living....
At the end of church, I stopped in to talk to our bishop for a minute about a small problem I'm having with my Sunday School class. I'm not sure how it came up, but within five minutes, he was telling me that someone had come to him, complaining about something that I had said on Facebook.
Yes, let me repeat that.
Somebody had taken the time out of their lives to go to the bishop to talk to them about something I had written on Facebook.
Again, I busted out in tears, and aside from staying strong through Mark leaving today and John's birthday, I have spent the better part of the evening crying some more.
Who in the world has time to do that? Who in the world really takes what anybody says on Facebook seriously? When he tried to give me any details, I couldn't connect the details to anything I've ever said. And honestly, did I need to know this anyway?
Yes, it's been a hard week. I keep thinking it's over, and yet, I know that it's not. Let me just curl up inside a hole for a couple of years until people have forgotten about me, and let me live my life. Or, a better plan would be to just stop reading what I write if you don't like it. And if you choose to read it, and don't like it, DEAL WITH IT! Don't complain. Don't whine. Stop thinking about yourself and think about somebody else for a change. "Man up" and move on.
When I was sitting at the organ during the sacrament ordinance, I began my prayer. I honestly didn't know how to begin it, so I just started talking (in my head) to Heavenly Father. Here was my prayer:
"Heavenly Father, this has been a really terrible week for me. I've been criticized and cut down and made to feel as if I'm nothing. I've done my best, Heavenly Father, to keep going. I've done my best to turn the other cheek. I've done my best to be humble and move on. But Heavenly Father, I don't think I can handle much more of this."
At that point, at very specific thought came to me, and I know it was prompted by my very loving Heavenly Father.
I thought of my Savior. I thought of all that he went through in his life. During his ministry, he was criticized and cut down and made to feel as if he was nothing. He kept going. He turned the other cheek. He was humble and accepted the suffering that he was given.
When I shared this thought with John, he too shared my tears, and told me something that I will hold dear for the rest of my life.
This week, I have been in good company.
Of course my suffering is nothing in comparison to what the Savior went through. But I have done my best to react the same way as Jesus. I haven't cast dispersions back on the people who have been cruel. I haven't reacted in anger. I have accepted what I have been given, and I have been as strong as possible through it all.If I have learned nothing through all of this, I have at least come to understand and feel closer to my Savior. What suffering he must have endured amidst all of the persecution. All I have had to endure is a little bit of criticism. I'm thankful that I know that he knows how I feel. He has felt it all. Because of this, my suffering can be lightened, and that is a blessing.
I am reminded too that I have a responsibility to keep going. As I was reading in the Book of Mormon last night, I came upon this scripture:
Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in agood works, that Christ, the bLord God Omnipotent, may cseal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of him who dcreated all things, in heaven and in earth, who is God above all.
I would like to end my post there, but just so that everyone understands the Bizarro world that I have been living....
At the end of church, I stopped in to talk to our bishop for a minute about a small problem I'm having with my Sunday School class. I'm not sure how it came up, but within five minutes, he was telling me that someone had come to him, complaining about something that I had said on Facebook.
Yes, let me repeat that.
Somebody had taken the time out of their lives to go to the bishop to talk to them about something I had written on Facebook.
Again, I busted out in tears, and aside from staying strong through Mark leaving today and John's birthday, I have spent the better part of the evening crying some more.
Who in the world has time to do that? Who in the world really takes what anybody says on Facebook seriously? When he tried to give me any details, I couldn't connect the details to anything I've ever said. And honestly, did I need to know this anyway?
Yes, it's been a hard week. I keep thinking it's over, and yet, I know that it's not. Let me just curl up inside a hole for a couple of years until people have forgotten about me, and let me live my life. Or, a better plan would be to just stop reading what I write if you don't like it. And if you choose to read it, and don't like it, DEAL WITH IT! Don't complain. Don't whine. Stop thinking about yourself and think about somebody else for a change. "Man up" and move on.
Amen!
ReplyDeleteThank goodness we have the Atonement. What a beautiful thing.. Through it we may have the strength to do anything! Even if it means forgiving those who criticize! I'm praying for you, Larisa! Much love-
ReplyDelete