Thinking Beyond Ourselves

In our church, most adults hold a “calling”.  What this really means is they have a job, or a specific way to serve within the local congregation.  We believe that this calling is inspired from God—it’s a specific way that he wants us to serve, so that we can either learn and grow ourselves, or so that we can help someone else.

I have had more callings in the church than I can count, and with few exceptions, I have loved every one of them.  I have come to love people (adults, teens and kids) who I might never have met.  I have learned much--from how to organize a Christmas music program, to how to make a Sunday School lesson meaningful to apathetic teenagers.  I have served as president of the children’s organization, and I have been the leader of 30 young, single adults.

With every calling comes a lot of work.  Of course, the amount of work one puts into a calling is up to an individual.  I choose to put everything into a calling.  I give up hours of my time, preparing lessons and activities.  I pray for people who are struggling.  I frequently do more than I need to, because I want people to feel loved.

One of the hardest things in a calling is putting a lot of effort into something and then have nobody show up for it, or if they do, they complain about what I have done.  It just makes me feel terrible, but like I said, callings can be great learning experiences!

This past weekend, after being given a fifth calling, this one in the Young Women Stake Presidency (yes, I already have four callings), I was the only member of the presidency planning on attending the back-to-school picnic.  Because of this, I was put in charge of several hours of activities for the youth.  It was a daunting thought, but if the Kennedys are equipped to do nothing else, we know how to host a good time J

One of the complaints among the many congregations in Central Pennsylvania is that the youth don’t know each other.  There are such vast distances between the cities that the kids don’t mingle much.  So, my first activity was a get-to-know-you activity. I was hoping that the majority of the kids in my Sunday School class would attend the activity because they are great kids, and confident, and I knew they would be an asset to the activity.   

After the opening prayer, I asked one youth from each of the 11 congregations to come up front and take a seat.  I then went down the line and had them introduce themselves.  Of course, they had few words to say, so it was my job to really find out something about them.  Oh my gosh, this was the most fun thing I’ve done in a while, mostly because I got to know these great kids—both their name and their personalities.  They had signs around their necks with their names written in bold letters so that hopefully everyone would remember their names. 

For the game, I asked them a  meaningful question, they wrote down their answers, I read their answers to the audience, and everyone had to guess who had answered what.  I loved it, the kids on stage loved it, and I think the kids in the audience loved it too.  After three rounds, we had gotten to know 33 different kids who turned out to be fascinating people.

One of the questions I asked one of the groups was, “What is the best compliment someone has ever given you?”

There was a boy in the row who had proved to be interesting to everyone.  He appeared to be a full-blown redneck—a bit heavy, sloppy clothes, not particularly smart—but his story was fascinating.  He loves to hunt, and he hunts everything.  When I asked him if he fishes too, he said, “No, fishing is too boring, but I like to kill fish with my bow.”  Yes, he can shoot a fish in the water with his hunting bow!  I remembered him from the temple video I produced for Stake Standards Night in the spring, and I knew he had a soft heart.

When I got to his answer (to read to the audience), I couldn’t read it.  There were only four words, but between the poor handwriting and the misspellings, I couldn’t make out what he had written.  It said something like, “you who like him”.  Since I couldn’t reveal who had written it (and couldn’t ask what it said), I translated it as “You look like him”, a poor compliment at best.  From what I could deduce, Bryce is almost illiterate.  As sad as that may seem, it broke my heart to realize that either he didn't know what a "compliment" was, or in all reality, he had never received one.

Anyway, the activity went well.  We had about 55 kids show up.  Some chose to participate the entire time, some chose to sit off to the side not participating.  My Sunday School kids were amazing.  They were natural leaders among the kids, having good attitudes and talking to kids from other congregations.  I was so proud of them.

Afterwards, John told me about the boy, and after hearing the story, I couldn’t help but cry.

Turns out, both of his older brothers are drug addicts.  Like hard-core drug addicts.  His father recently had an affair with a woman and is no longer a member of our church. His mother rarely chooses to come to church at all.  In other words, the odds are against him.  He comes to church either at the request of a youth leader, or of his own volition.  He is trying to choose the right when all things tell him to choose wrong.

At the activity, he was included among all those great kids.  Nobody knew his story.  Nobody knew of his struggles.  He was just another youth in our church that we got to know better, and that we learned to love.  By the end, his faith had been strengthened and I think he was happy he had come.

And this is where I get on my soapbox.

Something I have learned through the years is that teenagers think about themselves 99% of the time.  I don’t say this meanly, just factually.  It’s what they are supposed to do, being teenagers.  There were kids in my class who didn’t come to the activity because they were thinking of themselves.  They have a list of excuses:

I have too much homework.

It’s Saturday, and I’m tired.

I want to hang out with my friends from school.

It’s too far to drive to Altoona (it’s 40 minutes, one way).

The beautiful thing is that half of my class had selfish reasons to attend the activity.  Their excuses?

Activities are fun (teenagers LOVE fun).

I can see my friends.

I will get food.

The funny thing is that they didn’t know that their selfish reasons for attending the activity would produce very unselfish consequences.  Because of their kindness, and the sacrifice of their time, other kids who are struggling were edified.  Because they were willing to laugh, and reach out to others, other youth felt happy too.

My own kids have frequently complained through the years that they are the ones who attend every activity.  They wonder why they can’t stay home from Youth nights at the church when they have a lot of homework to do.  Other kids stay home.  Other kids skip out.  Other kids “don’t feel well” even though they attended school that day as well as after-school athletic practice.

And it is at this point that I now realize that parents are doing a disservice to their kids by letting them do this.  The parents might think that they are helping their kids, by letting them stay home, but really they are not preparing them for life.

What kind of job is going to allow you to stay home when you can’t manage your time?  What college professor is going to forgive you forgetting your homework because you didn’t feel well?  What are those kids going to do when they become parents?  There aren’t any days-off as a parent!

I have always told my kids that the reason we attend church activities is because we support others.  We support the people who plan the activities—time and effort go into those.  We support the other kids who choose to be there—they are sacrificing too. 

And I can now add to the list, we go because we don’t know who might need us there.  We don’t know if we will play a small part in changing a life.

People in our church frequently refer to bringing meals and pans of brownies to a family when the mom is sick.  Babysitting is also a heavy service opportunity.  However, when I think about the Savior, his service was all about helping the person…personally.  He saw how people were suffering, and he relieved their suffering.  He gave of himself.  He gave of his time even when he was tired and wanted to be alone.  His ultimate gift was the sacrifice of his life.

That’s what I want my kids to understand.  We serve because it brings us closer to our Savior.  “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God” is not a scripture to be taken lightly.  When we are asked to sacrifice, whether it be a sacrifice of comfort, or a sacrifice of time, we help strengthen others.  We help other people feel loved.  It’s never easy, but in the end, it’s all about thinking beyond ourselves.