Dear Glo,
I hope you don't mind me sending these long emails to tell you about my faith promoting experiences.
I just want to have something worthwhile to tell you and each week things happen that give me hope and strengthen my faith.
So, btw, we went and saw Captain Marvel this morning and it was great! The story was great, the actress who was captain marvel was great, the action was great and Mommy and I both loved it and were touched by things in the movie. I am very thankful for happy and touching feelings right now because it inspires me and gives me hope. And the movie is one that gives you hope and inspires.
So, this week I had a really beautiful experience at the temple. We went on Tuesday night and worked as substitutes, which was sweet. It was funny because I wasn't supposed to work but I volunteered and when they accounted for all the workers who did not show up I was needed as a worker. The coordinator seemed to think it was a blessing I was there and I was thankful that I had volunteered. I worked initiatories and sealings and at the veil and it was a sweet night. It was kind of cool because I was working with a brother in initiatories and I felt the spirt strongly with the ordinances with him. After we had done a few, he asked me if I had a brother in Louisville. I said yes and he said he is Lindsay's brother in law. Or basically he is married to Lindsay's sister named Kristine. Plus, on the way home Mommy and I always have the sweetest conversations about how we felt and the comfort we receive.
However, Thursday night was extra special. So, I was called to be an assistant coordinator. Brother Groen who has been like an angel to me working in the temple just got called to be a sealer. He is such a sweet and spiritual person I am not surprised. He is a patriarch in his stake and now he is going to be a sealer in the temple. He has been so kind and supportive of me, I will miss him on my shift but because he is now a sealer he cannot be a coordinator as well so they called me to replace him. I am kind of nervous but glad for the opportunity. I sure wish I had a lot of money so I could just serve in the temple and at the storehouse every week. I would be willing. That is one great thing about all this time off is that I can serve in the temple and storehouse which I could never have done with my schedule like before.
Anyway, so I was shadowing Brother Groen to see what I do as a coordinator. It was a lot of work trying to make sure everything was staffed and I was pretty tired out by the time I was done with the night. So during the evening, President Lund took me and two other workers into the room with the veil and we opened the veil while they were doing the endowment in the other room and we did some veil training. It was kind of fun because he had cards that were not correct and we had to identify what was wrong and what to do about the problems. So when we were done we left the room and we forgot to close the veil. So when the officiator in the other room tried to move on in the endowment recording the computer recognized the veil was up and it stopped the recording. So we were in coordinators meeting when a sister came in and said the recording was not working. Pres Lund left and went to fix it and then came back. We did not know why it had malfunctioned at that point but it was running again so we just did our meeting and did our work and at the end of the night I worked at the veil and once everyone was through the veil the officiator came up and apologized because he noticed when he came into the second room that the veil was up and he felt bad he had not noticed it when he started the session. We told him it was not his fault, we had done some training in the middle and that is what had caused it. So after I was done coordinating I went to the President's office and just let Pres Lund know what had happened. He was sad that our training had caused problems. He was sorry he had caused that issue. I told him it was ok, that he and the other presidency members had so much pressure on them and I thought and we all think that they are doing a great job. I said what little I had to worry about stressed me out sometimes in the temple and it all rests on them. I told them as workers and patrons it is a very peaceful and beautiful experience and that I thought they as a presidency were doing a great job. I told him the temple has meant so much to me lately because I am going through a lot at work and I appreciate them and all they do to make the temple a place of peace and refuge for us. He then asked if after I was done with my work if I would like a blessing? I said, yes, I had had one 3 months before but I would welcome another one as it had been a while. So after I was done with my work I went to his office.
Mind you, I did not tell him anything about what is going on with my job or that I have a hearing coming up or that I am under so much stress I cannot sleep or eat and I wake up at night and cannot go back to sleep because I am so worried and scared, I just said I am having a hard time and it is very hard on Larisa and I both. So, he proceeded to lay his hands on my head and he gave me a blessing. I am trying to tell you and record what he said and I have already forgotten so much but he started out and said, "...Brother Kennedy, the world is very complicated...I bless you that when you talk to people about what is going on you will be able to articulate in a way that is not arrogant or pompous what you need to say in a way that what you articulate will be in a humble way...it will change the perception of the people you talk to and it will change their way of perceiving the world...I bless you that you will be able to go to sleep at night, you will not wake up in the night and you will be able to rest and not worry...I bless you to know that I believe you are a good man and I know Heavenly Father knows you are a good man...I bless you that you will be able to take care of the situation and it will be resolved...". He said so much more. I tried so hard to remember what he said but I just couldn't. But he said things in the blessing that only I and God know. About how I have to speak at the hearing in a way that the people I speak to believe me and see my personality as humble and that I have tried to do my best and that I have done a good job without being defensive or arrogant. He blessed me to be able to rest. I have had such a hard time these last 4 months sleeping. I wake up and my mind immediately goes to my stress and I cannot sleep and I wake up in the morning and I cannot sleep and it is terrible. But in the blessing he blessed me to be able to rest and I have been sleeping better since. There was so much to the blessing that as I heard it I knew it was the words from Heavenly Father to me and I was very grateful. I knew it was the power of the priesthood and the Holy Ghost manifesting to me the words I needed to hear from God.
He also blessed me to have the inspiration from the Holy Ghost to know the things I should say, the simple ideas or the other things I need to know to help take care of this situation. It was literally like hearing God speak to me. I know it is hard to feel it from my words in this email but I want to bear witness that I know that what he said to me were words inspired by God to give me and mommy comfort and assurance that this will all be ok.
I do not know how that will come to pass or even what that means specifically but I have faith that it will be as Heavenly Father wills it. I really appreciate Him, Heavenly Father giving us so many assurances and feelings of hope in such a difficult circumstance.
So after the blessing I left and got in the car and called Mommy to tell her. I explained what had happened and we were both crying because it was so appreciated and beautiful. So, then she said how sorry she was that this has happened and how she felt like this was such a mistake and for the first time I had the knowledge that coming here was not a mistake. When she has said this before, she is sorry we came I have felt almost angry that we came and that it definitely was a mistake. But that night I had a different feeling. I had a story come to mind that helped me to understand why this is happening and that it has been a necessary thing.
The story is the following. You may already know this story, it has to do with the Willey and Martin Handcart company. I don't know all the details but basically they left for Utah in October. They were following the council of their leaders and as they traveled they got caught in winter storms and many people died. It was a great tragedy. Anyway, some years after that event, with those people happened, a Sunday school class was discussing the event and the people in the class were criticizing the leaders of the church and their inspiration in telling the members in the Willey and Martin handcart company to go to Utah at that time. During the discussion an old man got up, he was very old and he spoke out and told the class the following and I will put the details as told by James E Faust in a talk he gave:
Some years ago president David O. McKay told from this pulpit of the experience of some of those in the Martin handcart company. Many of these early converts had emigrated from Europe and were too poor to buy oxen or horses and a wagon. They were forced by their poverty to pull handcarts containing all of their belongings across the plains by their own brute strength. President McKay relates an occurrence which took place some years after the heroic exodus: “A teacher, conducting a class, said it was unwise ever to attempt, even to permit them [the Martin handcart company] to come across the plains under such conditions.
“[According to a class member,] some sharp criticism of the Church and its leaders was being indulged in for permitting any company of converts to venture across the plains with no more supplies or protection than a handcart caravan afforded.
“An old man in the corner … sat silent and listened as long as he could stand it, then he arose and said things that no person who heard him will ever forget. His face was white with emotion, yet he spoke calmly, deliberately, but with great earnestness and sincerity.
“In substance [he] said, ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts mean nothing here, for they give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife was in it and Sister Nellie Unthank whom you have cited was there, too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Not one of that company ever apostatized or left the Church, because everyone of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with him in our extremities.
“‘I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.’” He continues: “‘I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.
“‘Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.’” (Relief Society Magazine, Jan. 1948, p. 8.)
I do not know what will happen with any of what Mommy and I are going through. It could go very badly for me and us. But, I want you to know Glo that after the blessing I received that night and talking to Mommy, I realized like the old brother said in the story that when suffering and trials drive you to God, when they push you to love him more fervently and better, it is a privilege to pay that price. I have come to know God and his priesthood and his Spirit better than I did before and it has given me an appreciation for what Jesus went through and how much I owe him. I am thankful for Jesus and Heavenly Father and I am thankful that I feel their support and blessings through all of this.
I hope you are doing well and are having a great experience on your mission. Espero que pueda hablar español mucho y que todo vaya bien con tu compañera y que estés enseñando el evangelio mucho.
Con amor,
Papá
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