Marriage is frequently about compromise. In fact, I feel like sometimes we married folks live in this no-man's land of trying to make our spouses happy, but in fact, no one really gets to do exactly what they want to do.
I think of the book that the boys and I have read recently by Scott Jurek, North. It's a book about him trying to set the record of running the Appalachian Trail from south to north. The cover of the book tells us that it isn't actually written just by Scott, but it's written by his wife as well, or as it states on the cover "with Jenny Jurek". Throughout the book, we read mostly about Scott's journey to set the record, but we also read of Jenny's support of his goal. She was the one driving the van to meet him with food and supplies. She was the one talking to fans who were waiting for him along the way. She was the one being stalked by creepers. And get this--she is a long-distance runner, and she had just suffered a miscarriage. She probably could have done the run herself, and might have preferred that, but she stepped back so that the focus could be on him.
John loves rock 'n roll concerts, and he loves me. So the couple of times that he has dragged me to a concert, I try and act like I'm having a good time, but in reality, I find rock concerts exhausting. The loud music, the standing throughout the concert and feeling the pressure to dance to the music, the yelling. It's kind of painful.
On the flip side, John would probably never do anything fun in his life or eat anything delicious, because he doesn't want to spend money, but my happiness is dependent on culturally provocative activities including eating out and performances. He just watches our bank account dwindle as I sign up for this or that activity (paczki on Fat Tuesday ring a bell?)
There are those rare couples who like to do all the same things, and I envy them, but it's the push and pull of life that keeps things exciting.
Unbelievably, John's and my worlds collided last week in a concert by the Detroit Symphony Orchestra. I've been wanting to see them for a long time, but I just don't think Mahler 5 is going to do much for John. But I got a notification of one of their pops concerts which was aptly titled "Heroes and Villains". As I looked over the program, I could see it was music from Jaws, and Batman, and Superman, and Schindler's List, and Star Wars. So much fun music! So without thinking much about it, I bought the tickets.
I wasn't sure, but I figured that it might be appropriate to wear fun shirts for the evening. It's never in my wheelhouse to dress casually for concerts, so I was rather nervous about the idea of it all, but John and I headed to Target before the concert to see if we could find something that would work.
We did! I represented the Disney "Baddies" and John brought along the Avengers.
It's always fun driving into Detroit, and that night was no exception. The Hall is super easy to find, and parking is even better. Of course, I always compare these types of experiences to Philly, and let's be honest--New York and Philly are the prize winners in the horrible traffic and parking categories. I worried as I saw people dressed in suite coats and skirts, but when I saw the first usher in a mask and cape, I knew we might be okay ;-)
The concert was fantastic! The conductor never lost the opportunity to get a laugh (wearing a Superman cape, or asking for a volunteer who eventually biked across the stage to the E.T. soundtrack), and the music was so perfect. There's really nothing like a world-class orchestra!
I knew it had been a success in John's eyes as well when he was telling people about it the next day. And the day after that.
Occasionally, we leave no-man's land and come over into our spouse's territory and what a pleasure it is!
I think of the book that the boys and I have read recently by Scott Jurek, North. It's a book about him trying to set the record of running the Appalachian Trail from south to north. The cover of the book tells us that it isn't actually written just by Scott, but it's written by his wife as well, or as it states on the cover "with Jenny Jurek". Throughout the book, we read mostly about Scott's journey to set the record, but we also read of Jenny's support of his goal. She was the one driving the van to meet him with food and supplies. She was the one talking to fans who were waiting for him along the way. She was the one being stalked by creepers. And get this--she is a long-distance runner, and she had just suffered a miscarriage. She probably could have done the run herself, and might have preferred that, but she stepped back so that the focus could be on him.
John loves rock 'n roll concerts, and he loves me. So the couple of times that he has dragged me to a concert, I try and act like I'm having a good time, but in reality, I find rock concerts exhausting. The loud music, the standing throughout the concert and feeling the pressure to dance to the music, the yelling. It's kind of painful.
On the flip side, John would probably never do anything fun in his life or eat anything delicious, because he doesn't want to spend money, but my happiness is dependent on culturally provocative activities including eating out and performances. He just watches our bank account dwindle as I sign up for this or that activity (paczki on Fat Tuesday ring a bell?)
There are those rare couples who like to do all the same things, and I envy them, but it's the push and pull of life that keeps things exciting.
Unbelievably, John's and my worlds collided last week in a concert by the Detroit Symphony Orchestra. I've been wanting to see them for a long time, but I just don't think Mahler 5 is going to do much for John. But I got a notification of one of their pops concerts which was aptly titled "Heroes and Villains". As I looked over the program, I could see it was music from Jaws, and Batman, and Superman, and Schindler's List, and Star Wars. So much fun music! So without thinking much about it, I bought the tickets.I wasn't sure, but I figured that it might be appropriate to wear fun shirts for the evening. It's never in my wheelhouse to dress casually for concerts, so I was rather nervous about the idea of it all, but John and I headed to Target before the concert to see if we could find something that would work.
We did! I represented the Disney "Baddies" and John brought along the Avengers.
The concert was fantastic! The conductor never lost the opportunity to get a laugh (wearing a Superman cape, or asking for a volunteer who eventually biked across the stage to the E.T. soundtrack), and the music was so perfect. There's really nothing like a world-class orchestra!
Occasionally, we leave no-man's land and come over into our spouse's territory and what a pleasure it is!
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