There are a lot of difficult things about moving, but there are also some really great bonuses. I've always felt badly about leaving friends behind, but I've not only anticipated, but I've looked forward to reinventing myself each time. There's something liberating about going to a place where nobody knows me (both the good and the bad), and it's a fresh start.
Boy-o, if I ever needed a fresh start, I needed one in Pennsylvania. While I had good doctors, a terrific hair stylist, and a cleaning lady whom I sure I will never find again, I didn't have many friends. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I had a lot of acquaintances, but nobody who would take me out to lunch, or listen to my struggles, or know when I needed some help. It was a very lonesome feeling. Too, people had really bad impressions of me which is partly my fault and partly theirs. I really just wanted to move away so that I could start over. I've certainly learned more about myself over the past eleven years in Pennsylvania, and I felt ready to put those lessons into practice.
When we finally moved into the Chelsea ward, I was ready to go. No joke, I did everything I could to reach out to people. Our ward has 280 regularly attending people on any Sunday, and if I can't find a friend in THAT group, I'm in trouble for sure. I was bringing breakfast to our Relief Society president (she ultimately refused to eat it). I was inviting women to lunch (nobody would come). I was reaching out to the three geriatric sisters whom I was supposed to visit teach (they didn't answer my phone calls or emails) as well as to my visiting teaching companion who was in Florida for an indefinite amount of time. Women would stop me in the hall to tell me how much they enjoyed the talk I gave in sacrament meeting and would loosely throw out "we should get together sometime" and I would pounce. I sent texts and emails to anyone and everyone in the ward, telling them that I would be happy to substitute if they needed someone. I responded to any texts that were sent to me with promptness and humor. I seriously wanted everyone to know that I was here, and I was ready to make friends! And I didn't give up!
The best move I made was to insist that my visiting teachers come visit me. They hadn't done it for the first three months I was here, but I figured that if they would just give me a chance, they would want to come back...and in all honesty, I would be a GREAT statistic! While the more outgoing of the two had to back out of our first appointment due to a child with pink eye, the other companion, the Stake Primary president, came. She DID try and weasel her way out of the appointment when the first companion bailed, but I insisted that she come.
Jennifer Olsen is a musician, and from all counts, an introvert. However, she IS the Stake Primary President in one of the healthiest, largest stakes I've seen outside of Utah, and she just so happens to be married to one of the counselors in the stake presidency who just so happens to be a former opera singer for the Metropolitan Opera and who now works in the Vocal Department at Michigan. If anyone could understand the insanity of having musical family members, she could! And I hoped that I would be able to add something to her life.
She was very quiet when she first came over, but within 20 minutes, it felt like we had been friends forever. She's funny, kind, thoughtful, and MUSICAL. In fact, as she left, she apologized for not having come to visit me several months earlier (and in my mind I thought, "Yep! You should have come! I can tell that you like me!"). And then, in a moment that Rossini himself couldn't have staged better, she was walking down my steps when she turned back to me and said, "We should go to lunch sometime."
The deal was sealed.
We have since gone to lunch, and I have cried in my salad as she has told me how she lost her oldest son when he was at college. And just last week, we went out to dinner as couples.
I know it sounds crazy, but it is just so nice to have a friend again. And she's not the only one. Other people are texting me, asking me about my life (it appears that texting is the main form of communication in this area). And people come up to me at church just to talk. And come to find out, my name has been submitted several times over the last few months for different callings. It might sound ridiculous, but nobody wanted me to serve in any capacity besides music in our last ward, so just knowing that people think I'm okay validates my existence in the ward. No more being stressed out every Saturday, knowing the stress and isolation I will feel the following day at church. It feels so good to be liked again. I know that I'm a good person, but for some reason, that didn't come across in Pennsylvania.
As I sit here writing this, I just feel profoundly grateful (again) that we moved. Sometimes it gets tiring, always watching how I act, making sure that I don't fall into the old habits which landed me with no friends before, but I do believe I'm moving in the right direction.
Boy-o, if I ever needed a fresh start, I needed one in Pennsylvania. While I had good doctors, a terrific hair stylist, and a cleaning lady whom I sure I will never find again, I didn't have many friends. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I had a lot of acquaintances, but nobody who would take me out to lunch, or listen to my struggles, or know when I needed some help. It was a very lonesome feeling. Too, people had really bad impressions of me which is partly my fault and partly theirs. I really just wanted to move away so that I could start over. I've certainly learned more about myself over the past eleven years in Pennsylvania, and I felt ready to put those lessons into practice.
When we finally moved into the Chelsea ward, I was ready to go. No joke, I did everything I could to reach out to people. Our ward has 280 regularly attending people on any Sunday, and if I can't find a friend in THAT group, I'm in trouble for sure. I was bringing breakfast to our Relief Society president (she ultimately refused to eat it). I was inviting women to lunch (nobody would come). I was reaching out to the three geriatric sisters whom I was supposed to visit teach (they didn't answer my phone calls or emails) as well as to my visiting teaching companion who was in Florida for an indefinite amount of time. Women would stop me in the hall to tell me how much they enjoyed the talk I gave in sacrament meeting and would loosely throw out "we should get together sometime" and I would pounce. I sent texts and emails to anyone and everyone in the ward, telling them that I would be happy to substitute if they needed someone. I responded to any texts that were sent to me with promptness and humor. I seriously wanted everyone to know that I was here, and I was ready to make friends! And I didn't give up!
The best move I made was to insist that my visiting teachers come visit me. They hadn't done it for the first three months I was here, but I figured that if they would just give me a chance, they would want to come back...and in all honesty, I would be a GREAT statistic! While the more outgoing of the two had to back out of our first appointment due to a child with pink eye, the other companion, the Stake Primary president, came. She DID try and weasel her way out of the appointment when the first companion bailed, but I insisted that she come.
Jennifer Olsen is a musician, and from all counts, an introvert. However, she IS the Stake Primary President in one of the healthiest, largest stakes I've seen outside of Utah, and she just so happens to be married to one of the counselors in the stake presidency who just so happens to be a former opera singer for the Metropolitan Opera and who now works in the Vocal Department at Michigan. If anyone could understand the insanity of having musical family members, she could! And I hoped that I would be able to add something to her life.
She was very quiet when she first came over, but within 20 minutes, it felt like we had been friends forever. She's funny, kind, thoughtful, and MUSICAL. In fact, as she left, she apologized for not having come to visit me several months earlier (and in my mind I thought, "Yep! You should have come! I can tell that you like me!"). And then, in a moment that Rossini himself couldn't have staged better, she was walking down my steps when she turned back to me and said, "We should go to lunch sometime."
The deal was sealed.
We have since gone to lunch, and I have cried in my salad as she has told me how she lost her oldest son when he was at college. And just last week, we went out to dinner as couples.
I know it sounds crazy, but it is just so nice to have a friend again. And she's not the only one. Other people are texting me, asking me about my life (it appears that texting is the main form of communication in this area). And people come up to me at church just to talk. And come to find out, my name has been submitted several times over the last few months for different callings. It might sound ridiculous, but nobody wanted me to serve in any capacity besides music in our last ward, so just knowing that people think I'm okay validates my existence in the ward. No more being stressed out every Saturday, knowing the stress and isolation I will feel the following day at church. It feels so good to be liked again. I know that I'm a good person, but for some reason, that didn't come across in Pennsylvania.
As I sit here writing this, I just feel profoundly grateful (again) that we moved. Sometimes it gets tiring, always watching how I act, making sure that I don't fall into the old habits which landed me with no friends before, but I do believe I'm moving in the right direction.
Hooray for new friends! I hope this is just the beginning of an amazing new chapter in your life!
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