I anticipate the chance to fast monthly as a church and as an individual. It's taken me many years of being an adult to fully appreciate the power of fasting--and to ignore the difficulty in refraining from eating for a full 24 hours. As a young adult, I would remember that Fast Sunday was the very next day, I would gobble down all the food I could muster and come up with a laundry list of things for which to fast. Thinking back on it, it reminds me of the Christmas and birthday lists my kids give me before any holiday. Here are the things I would like--please give me as many of them as you can. It's not being spoiled or entitled--it's just letting me know what's important to them and what they can actually use in their lives. As a parent, I appreciate the lists. However, there's something more to fasting.
I guess the difference comes in that my kids know better than I do what they need in their lives at the moment, but Heavenly Father knows better than any of us what we need. Over the past few years especially, I have anticipated my fasts with the question of what would Heavenly Father like to bless me with? What does he see as my need, and am I in tune enough with the Spirit to ask Him for that thing? Doing this has allowed me to be privy to blessings from God that I would never even expect...or think to ask for.
It's funny though that when we are first learning a gospel principle, Heavenly Father keeps us in the primer books for a while. We do A, he gives us B. We follow that up with C, and he gives us D. At some point though, he decides that it's time to advance our education, and he throws us a curve ball. We once again do A, but we end up waiting. And when an answer does come, it's far down the alphabet spectrum. Maybe a P or a W, and we wonder what has just happened.
This past month, I wasn't sure what the purpose of my fast should be. I've fasted so many times for our house to sell (A), but it hasn't happened (no letter at all). I've also fasted for help with our failing finances (C), but in response, we've been given a (-7), not even an alphabet letter. It hasn't made a whole lot of sense. So not having any thoughts beforehand, and not seeing any needs on my part, I knelt down to begin my prayer. Within seconds, a voice came into my head telling me to fast for a miracle.
I had the distinct impression to not ask for anything specific, and to not fast for anything else. Just fast for a miracle. And within hours of beginning the fast, all kinds of thoughts came into my mind, and over that time, and over this past month, I've had opportunities to think about miracles themselves.
In my own mind, miracles are something special. I feel that on any given day, the windows of heaven open on me and pour out blessings. I honestly can't even appreciate all the blessings I am given. Just having my children causes my cup to run over. Ethan calling me everyday on his way to work for 20 minutes is more than I could have ever hoped for from a married child. Having Mark living with us for a couple of months reminds me of the tender relationship we share. Johannah having the desire and perseverance to serve a mission in a third world country blesses us all. And Glo's confidence, independence and responsible-minded self brings me such joy. And the icing on the cake? A husband who loves me as much as the day he married me. We live in a gorgeous house with all the central heat and delicious food we could want. I get to be a stay-at-home mom and don't need to work outside of the home. And we have the Gospel in our lives. If there is an ideal life, I believe that I live it.
However, all of the blessings don't define a miracle in my mind. Perhaps the fact that I came from the situation I did as a child and now have what I do is a miracle, but that journey began almost 30 years ago. Miracles are something that can't be defined by anything that we do--we can work all our lives for something--only divine intervention will give us what we can't give ourselves. James E. Talmage said, "We must of necessity recognize the operation of a power transcending our present human understanding. Science and the unaided human mind have not advanced far enough to analyze and explain these wonders."
In Mormon 9:15, Moroni says, "And now, O all ye that have imagined up unto yourselves a god who can do no miracles, I would ask of you, have all these things passed, of which I have spoken? Has the end come yet? Behold I say unto you, Nay; and God has not ceased to be a God of miracles."
I have seen miracles in my life. Too many to count. And I'm a firm believer that miracles continue to happen today.
When Johannah initially told us that she had felt inspired that our house would sell while she was on her mission, I believed her. When John told me several years ago that he believed we would be fine financially, I believed him. When Tracy Kendall, our valiant home teacher, told me that he had felt that we would sell our house last March within the month, I believed that the miracle could happen. And all the times that I went to the temple and felt an overwhelming witness that everything would be okay if we moved? I held firm to that thought. In fact, the quote from Jeffrey R. Holland frequently comes to my mind: "Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe."
I found it interesting though when researching miracles over this past month, I read a conference talk given just this last October by Donald L. Hallstrom of the Seventy, in which he said that miracles will not always happen. In fact, his talk was titled "Has the Day of Miracles Ceased?" He asked the question, "What about the innumerable faith-filled, priesthood-blessing-receiving, unendingly-prayed-for, covenant-keeping, full-of-hope Latter-day Saints whose miracle never comes?" He continued with this story: "Just two months ago, two temple-recommend-holding married couples, with three full-time missionary children and five other children between them, took off in a small airplane for a short flight. I am confident they prayed for safety before the flight and prayed fervently when their aircraft encountered serious mechanical problems before crashing. None survived. What about them?"
So, I waited for a miracle. Being human, I put a timetable on it. Certainly, I would see the miracle before the 31 days had rolled around until the next Fast Sunday.
And there were certainly opportunities for Heavenly Father.
I guess the difference comes in that my kids know better than I do what they need in their lives at the moment, but Heavenly Father knows better than any of us what we need. Over the past few years especially, I have anticipated my fasts with the question of what would Heavenly Father like to bless me with? What does he see as my need, and am I in tune enough with the Spirit to ask Him for that thing? Doing this has allowed me to be privy to blessings from God that I would never even expect...or think to ask for.
It's funny though that when we are first learning a gospel principle, Heavenly Father keeps us in the primer books for a while. We do A, he gives us B. We follow that up with C, and he gives us D. At some point though, he decides that it's time to advance our education, and he throws us a curve ball. We once again do A, but we end up waiting. And when an answer does come, it's far down the alphabet spectrum. Maybe a P or a W, and we wonder what has just happened.
This past month, I wasn't sure what the purpose of my fast should be. I've fasted so many times for our house to sell (A), but it hasn't happened (no letter at all). I've also fasted for help with our failing finances (C), but in response, we've been given a (-7), not even an alphabet letter. It hasn't made a whole lot of sense. So not having any thoughts beforehand, and not seeing any needs on my part, I knelt down to begin my prayer. Within seconds, a voice came into my head telling me to fast for a miracle.
I had the distinct impression to not ask for anything specific, and to not fast for anything else. Just fast for a miracle. And within hours of beginning the fast, all kinds of thoughts came into my mind, and over that time, and over this past month, I've had opportunities to think about miracles themselves.
In my own mind, miracles are something special. I feel that on any given day, the windows of heaven open on me and pour out blessings. I honestly can't even appreciate all the blessings I am given. Just having my children causes my cup to run over. Ethan calling me everyday on his way to work for 20 minutes is more than I could have ever hoped for from a married child. Having Mark living with us for a couple of months reminds me of the tender relationship we share. Johannah having the desire and perseverance to serve a mission in a third world country blesses us all. And Glo's confidence, independence and responsible-minded self brings me such joy. And the icing on the cake? A husband who loves me as much as the day he married me. We live in a gorgeous house with all the central heat and delicious food we could want. I get to be a stay-at-home mom and don't need to work outside of the home. And we have the Gospel in our lives. If there is an ideal life, I believe that I live it.
In Mormon 9:15, Moroni says, "And now, O all ye that have imagined up unto yourselves a god who can do no miracles, I would ask of you, have all these things passed, of which I have spoken? Has the end come yet? Behold I say unto you, Nay; and God has not ceased to be a God of miracles."
I have seen miracles in my life. Too many to count. And I'm a firm believer that miracles continue to happen today.
When Johannah initially told us that she had felt inspired that our house would sell while she was on her mission, I believed her. When John told me several years ago that he believed we would be fine financially, I believed him. When Tracy Kendall, our valiant home teacher, told me that he had felt that we would sell our house last March within the month, I believed that the miracle could happen. And all the times that I went to the temple and felt an overwhelming witness that everything would be okay if we moved? I held firm to that thought. In fact, the quote from Jeffrey R. Holland frequently comes to my mind: "Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe."
I found it interesting though when researching miracles over this past month, I read a conference talk given just this last October by Donald L. Hallstrom of the Seventy, in which he said that miracles will not always happen. In fact, his talk was titled "Has the Day of Miracles Ceased?" He asked the question, "What about the innumerable faith-filled, priesthood-blessing-receiving, unendingly-prayed-for, covenant-keeping, full-of-hope Latter-day Saints whose miracle never comes?" He continued with this story: "Just two months ago, two temple-recommend-holding married couples, with three full-time missionary children and five other children between them, took off in a small airplane for a short flight. I am confident they prayed for safety before the flight and prayed fervently when their aircraft encountered serious mechanical problems before crashing. None survived. What about them?"
So, I waited for a miracle. Being human, I put a timetable on it. Certainly, I would see the miracle before the 31 days had rolled around until the next Fast Sunday.
And there were certainly opportunities for Heavenly Father.
- We had two people look at our house this month with both returning for repeat visits. I figured surely one of them would buy it.
- When Chief became ill, I had little doubt that God's power would be made manifest in saving him. In fact, thinking that played into the decision to pay the $6,200 to save him.
The crazy thing? Nobody bought our house, and Chief died.
I was stunned.
I had done what Heavenly Father had told me do (remember that Point A?), but the response was not anything like I expected. In fact, I almost wished that I hadn't fasted for a miracle at all.
I initially only shared my fast with Hannah, and I only did it over email after it appeared that nothing was going to come of it. And this was her response:
Remember that conference talk you sent me a couple of weeks ago about miracles, and how we won't always be given a miracle even when we are living our life in accordance with Heavenly Father? (Elder Hallstrom's talk). I think you have to stop thinking of the house not selling in terms of God. The best gift God gave us when we came to earth (other than Jesus Christ) is our agency. I think sometimes we fall into this thought process that God can do anything, and to a sense, that is true, but He cannot force anyone to do anything. I'm sure He would love to *poof* someone out of thin air to buy the house, but He cannot force anyone to buy it. He can soften people's hearts and turn them towards buying it and we have seen that miracle. There have been people interested. But ultimately, He cannot force them to buy the house. You need to think of this as business. It's not anything having to do with too little faith or prayer or patience. It's just life. Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. Sometimes being a good person means that you will have more trials and hardship, because Heavenly Father knows that you'll be okay. But He sent Christ here to earth so we could find peace in our trials.
I don't know how I missed it in more conference talks than I care to admit listening to, but every talk about miracles discusses the ultimate miracles in our lives: our bodies combined with our Spirits; the miracle of life; the miracle of the Savior being born to a mortal woman; the miracle of the Atonement; the miracle of the Resurrection; even the miracle of our bodies continuing to work without any thought on our part.
I began thinking about the miracle of the Atonement. As we work our way through our days, struggling under the burdens of sin, or worry, or doubt, we have an "out" because of our Savior's suffering for us. We can cast our burdens on Him, and be free of them ourselves, and there's no price to pay for this--it's completely free for the taking. How does that work? How can I explain that? It defies human explanation, because, as has been said, it's a miracle.
So how did this apply to me over the past month? The day after Chief died, John and I were completely distraught. He had suffered, and it was difficult to get that image out of our minds. We couldn't stop ourselves from crying. That night, as we prayed together, Hannah's words rang in my mind: He sent Christ here to earth so we could find peace in our trials. I prayed with all fervency of heart that he would take the sadness of Chief's death from our minds and give us peace.
And the next morning, it was indeed a new day. While we were still sad, the grieving was over. The sadness was replaced with peace. It was indeed a miracle. It might not have been the miracle that I was anticipating, but I was reminded that the greatest miracle of all times, of all centuries, of all fasting months, was Christ's sacrifice for all of us.
I won't deny it though--I wanted it to be something so much more. I wanted one of those whiz-bang, over-the-top, testimony bearing miracles. I wanted one of those stories that would be shared for generations to come. I wanted something amazing. And yet it wasn't.
Maybe this is what I was supposed to learn this month--I still have a week before the next Fast Sunday rolls around, and certainly I wouldn't reject a miracle that happened outside of the 31 day boundaries--but I know that I need to remember the daily miracles. The miracles that lay before us like a banquet feast, ready for the taking if we will just remember them and take advantage of what they have to offer. They are miraculous in and of themselves, but they are quiet and small and personal.
"For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith." (2 Nephi 27:23)
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