I know that people are waiting for a blog post about our cruise to the Caribbean and the diving we did. Trust me, I'll get to that when I upload my photos, but for the time being I must acknowledge an amazing correlation between SCUBA and Mark's mission call.
We spent the last week scuba diving at every possible moment. We landed at four different islands, and each time we spent the day diving. Having 20 or so dives under our (weight) belts now, diving was a much less stressful experience. In fact, it was about enjoying the time and really living in the 45 minutes, or so, that can be had on a tank of air.
I'm discovering that SCUBA is a different experience every time I jump in the water. There's rarely a dive where there isn't some issue. Either the water is a bit cold, or my mask fogs up a bit too much, or the visibility isn't 100 feet in every direction, or the rental SCUBA equipment sucks. There are two choices: either deal with the issue, and enjoy the moment for what it is, or fight it all.
When I was just learning the basics of all of it, those little things bothered me to no end. I would stress about the details and remember them mostly from each dive. They could keep me from enjoying all that was around me. Learning now that there will always be something on a dive to distract, I have tried to tune out those small distractions and appreciate the amazing opportunities I'm having under the water.
I've now had a good 18 hours to process Mark's mission call to Russia, and believe me, I've spent the majority of those 18 hours thinking about his mission call, and only his mission call. I only slept 2 hours and 45 minutes last night, and I must have woken up 10 times during that time, thinking of his mission call, and only his mission call. This is what it's like to be the mother of a boy, preparing to serve a mission.
Preparing to send Mark on his mission has been a vastly different experience for me from Ethan's. I thought it would be the same, but just as I have parented all of my children the same way and they have distinctly different personalities, I should have known that this experience would be specific for my second son.
A year ago, when Mark chose to attend The University of Michigan, I had grave concerns about him serving a mission and retaining his scholarship (along with a host of other details that I won't detail here). Before Mark accepted any school's admission, he checked with them about serving a mission. Would it even be allowed? What would happen to any scholarships he had been awarded?
For Mark, his horn teacher got approval for Mark, but told him that he needed to return by April so that he could reaudition for his scholarship. Seeing as he wouldn't end his freshman year before May 1, returning from a mission by April 30 would prove impossible.
Even if the date was pushed back, Mark will need weeks, if not months, to get back in audition shape. He can't just walk off the plane and audition.
Too, I wanted the boys to see each other. Ethan wasn't scheduled to return home until June, but again that would be too late for Mark to leave.
Finally, Mark doesn't even turn 19 until June 10. Entering the MTC in April or May might not even be allowed.
I was stressed out about all of this. Like really, really stressed out. If you know me, you know that I do a fantastic job of staying in control of my life. I have things planned down to the minute, and if you get in the way of my plans, I'm taking you OUT! I couldn't see a physically possible way for Mark to serve his mission and keep his scholarship at Michigan and see his brother. Even if I dropped Ethan from the equation, the two sides didn't add up.
John, trying to alleviate my stress (and probably realizing that I would be unbearable to live with for the next year if I didn't get this resolved), called our bishop to ask about the possibility of Mark entering the MTC several weeks before his 19th birthday.
The bishop didn't have an answer for us. At least, not the kind we expected.
Our bishop told us one thing, and one thing only: just trust in the Lord that things will work out how they are supposed to work out.
Really? Yes.
An overwhelming feeling came over me that I had my answer. It didn't matter how many phone calls I would make, or how many times I would check the calendar, I needed to let go.
And I did it. Just like I did diving this past week.
Mark is about to enter another of the foundation stages of his life. Things like calendaring, and stressing wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. There was such a greater experience to be had--thinking of what he was choosing to do with the next two years and how it would change his life forever.
Friends would ask me about the scheduling issues, seeing them for themselves, and I would just tell them that I couldn't worry about it. Things would work out how they were supposed to work out.
It's been a trial for me over the last year. I have had things to plan, but I have just had to push them to the back burner until we got Mark's mission call.
In January, I gently reminded Mark about asking his horn professor if there was anyway he could audition during the summer. Was there anyway that his scholarship could be put "on hold" until then? In a moment where I could have wrung Mark's neck (love you, son!), he turned to me and said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Professor Unsworth said I could just reaudition when I return to school in the fall."
Excuse me? Are you kidding me? Did I just hear that correctly?
You mean, you will return home from you mission and now have an entire summer to practice and get back in shape, and basically Professor Unsworth is going to renew your scholarship, notes unheard, because he recognizes what a great student you are?
Uh Mark, could you have told me this sooner?
One stressor gone.
Next, Ethan would not ask to be released from his mission even a day early. Mark, or no Mark, he was staying to the day of his 2-year mark. I can't tell you the anger I felt towards that boy. Or maybe it was disappointment. Did he not remember the love he and his brother have for each other? Fine. We put Mark's first available date as June 1.
How beautiful that Mark is now leaving 26 days after Ethan gets home. He will still have time to practice when he returns in two years, and he will have time to spend with his brother. I can't say that I could prove that this would be a valuable thing, until a friend of mine wrote this to me today:
I'm the younger brother who had about a month with my returned-missionary older brother before I left for the MTC. That month was one of the best (and most important) for our relationship as adults. I'm glad they'll get that time.
How perfect. Second stressor gone.
Yes, there are still details to work out (such as asking for a day off work at Interlochen so that I can accompany Mark to the MTC). However, I'm not stressing about any of it. I have learned through this experience that there are definite times to let go and trust in the Lord. There's a beautiful world out there, full of colorful fish and endless opportunities. Believe it or not, things might actually work out better if I stop worrying and just let them happen.
We spent the last week scuba diving at every possible moment. We landed at four different islands, and each time we spent the day diving. Having 20 or so dives under our (weight) belts now, diving was a much less stressful experience. In fact, it was about enjoying the time and really living in the 45 minutes, or so, that can be had on a tank of air.
When I was just learning the basics of all of it, those little things bothered me to no end. I would stress about the details and remember them mostly from each dive. They could keep me from enjoying all that was around me. Learning now that there will always be something on a dive to distract, I have tried to tune out those small distractions and appreciate the amazing opportunities I'm having under the water.
I've now had a good 18 hours to process Mark's mission call to Russia, and believe me, I've spent the majority of those 18 hours thinking about his mission call, and only his mission call. I only slept 2 hours and 45 minutes last night, and I must have woken up 10 times during that time, thinking of his mission call, and only his mission call. This is what it's like to be the mother of a boy, preparing to serve a mission.
Preparing to send Mark on his mission has been a vastly different experience for me from Ethan's. I thought it would be the same, but just as I have parented all of my children the same way and they have distinctly different personalities, I should have known that this experience would be specific for my second son.
A year ago, when Mark chose to attend The University of Michigan, I had grave concerns about him serving a mission and retaining his scholarship (along with a host of other details that I won't detail here). Before Mark accepted any school's admission, he checked with them about serving a mission. Would it even be allowed? What would happen to any scholarships he had been awarded?
For Mark, his horn teacher got approval for Mark, but told him that he needed to return by April so that he could reaudition for his scholarship. Seeing as he wouldn't end his freshman year before May 1, returning from a mission by April 30 would prove impossible.
Even if the date was pushed back, Mark will need weeks, if not months, to get back in audition shape. He can't just walk off the plane and audition.
Too, I wanted the boys to see each other. Ethan wasn't scheduled to return home until June, but again that would be too late for Mark to leave.
Finally, Mark doesn't even turn 19 until June 10. Entering the MTC in April or May might not even be allowed.
I was stressed out about all of this. Like really, really stressed out. If you know me, you know that I do a fantastic job of staying in control of my life. I have things planned down to the minute, and if you get in the way of my plans, I'm taking you OUT! I couldn't see a physically possible way for Mark to serve his mission and keep his scholarship at Michigan and see his brother. Even if I dropped Ethan from the equation, the two sides didn't add up.
John, trying to alleviate my stress (and probably realizing that I would be unbearable to live with for the next year if I didn't get this resolved), called our bishop to ask about the possibility of Mark entering the MTC several weeks before his 19th birthday.
The bishop didn't have an answer for us. At least, not the kind we expected.
Our bishop told us one thing, and one thing only: just trust in the Lord that things will work out how they are supposed to work out.
Really? Yes.
An overwhelming feeling came over me that I had my answer. It didn't matter how many phone calls I would make, or how many times I would check the calendar, I needed to let go.
And I did it. Just like I did diving this past week.
Mark is about to enter another of the foundation stages of his life. Things like calendaring, and stressing wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. There was such a greater experience to be had--thinking of what he was choosing to do with the next two years and how it would change his life forever.
Friends would ask me about the scheduling issues, seeing them for themselves, and I would just tell them that I couldn't worry about it. Things would work out how they were supposed to work out.
It's been a trial for me over the last year. I have had things to plan, but I have just had to push them to the back burner until we got Mark's mission call.
In January, I gently reminded Mark about asking his horn professor if there was anyway he could audition during the summer. Was there anyway that his scholarship could be put "on hold" until then? In a moment where I could have wrung Mark's neck (love you, son!), he turned to me and said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Professor Unsworth said I could just reaudition when I return to school in the fall."
Excuse me? Are you kidding me? Did I just hear that correctly?
You mean, you will return home from you mission and now have an entire summer to practice and get back in shape, and basically Professor Unsworth is going to renew your scholarship, notes unheard, because he recognizes what a great student you are?
Uh Mark, could you have told me this sooner?
One stressor gone.
Next, Ethan would not ask to be released from his mission even a day early. Mark, or no Mark, he was staying to the day of his 2-year mark. I can't tell you the anger I felt towards that boy. Or maybe it was disappointment. Did he not remember the love he and his brother have for each other? Fine. We put Mark's first available date as June 1.
How beautiful that Mark is now leaving 26 days after Ethan gets home. He will still have time to practice when he returns in two years, and he will have time to spend with his brother. I can't say that I could prove that this would be a valuable thing, until a friend of mine wrote this to me today:
I'm the younger brother who had about a month with my returned-missionary older brother before I left for the MTC. That month was one of the best (and most important) for our relationship as adults. I'm glad they'll get that time.
How perfect. Second stressor gone.
Yes, there are still details to work out (such as asking for a day off work at Interlochen so that I can accompany Mark to the MTC). However, I'm not stressing about any of it. I have learned through this experience that there are definite times to let go and trust in the Lord. There's a beautiful world out there, full of colorful fish and endless opportunities. Believe it or not, things might actually work out better if I stop worrying and just let them happen.
Miracles happen and tender mercies exist. The Lord always has a way of working things out on his timing.. We just have to completely trust him, hard as that may be!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that everything worked out.. And especially that Ethan and Mark will have that precious time together.
I loved this, and I love your ability Mommy to link two things together that don't seem to be similar, but really are completely the same! It sure is amazing how it all worked out. Just leave it to the Lord and if we're obedient, everything wlll worrk out(:
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