It's difficult to believe that I haven't been back to Southwest Texas in 37 years. I've been to New Mexico numerous times, and I've visited San Antonio and Houston, but how strange to not return to Lubbock. I'm reminded of the feelings John has when we visit Ireland--he's told me repeatedly that he feels a sense of peace there that he doesn't feel anywhere else, and he attributes that feeling to the Spirit of Elijah. It's the land of his forefathers. I believe I feel the same way about Lubbock. There was a comfort there that I haven't felt in a very long time. Everywhere else I've lived, I've felt like I need to curb myself. I need to watch what I say, or I stress about what to wear, or I frequently just feel like a stranger. But being back in Lubbock, I felt a sense of belonging. A sense that these are my people. One of the memorable moments of the entire trip came when Johannah said to me, "Mommy, being here, I can see why you are the way you are."
Thank you.
Texans are outspoken and unapologetic. For years I figured people around the world understood that, and I could be free with my thoughts and speech. Nope. But Texans are okay with that. In fact, on our last morning in Texas, we went to a pancake house, and the man seating us (who I am pretty sure was the owner) asked if we had any "hairy legged men" with us. I wanted to say to him, "If you know any single ones, send them Hannah's way," but I figured she would be embarrassed. But my children have too many examples of me saying what I think, embarrassment be damned.
Texans are polite. I am polite to a fault. I mean, I hold freaking doors open for men. Near the end of our trip, I responded to someone, and I didn't say "thank you". I almost went back in the restaurant to apologize afterwards because I felt so guilty about it. But the number of "ma'am"s we heard on our trip could fill some of those canyons in the parks.
Texans cook delicious food. Now, if you aren't from Texas, you might not find the food so delicious. I'm not sure I saw a side salad on any menu at any restaurant. But meat and potatoes and comfort food. Those are what I cook and what I love to eat. And we ate a LOT of it.
Texans are obvious. They like football and cowboy boots and making money from oil, and you see it everywhere. There's no shady dealings--just put it on a field or on your feet, and we all know who and what you are.
It felt so good to be back. It was a connection that I didn't know I'd lost.
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