Hola Glo! Cómo estás? Espero que bien! Todo está bien aquí. Yo y mamá fuimos al templo ayer para un endomwment en la mañana, y tuvimos un buen tiempo! Luego fuimos a Shake Shack con los Barney. Entonces fuimos al Bishop's Storehouse hasta 5:15 y luego fuimos al templo para trabajar. Mucho templo y mucho del Espíritu Santo!
I hope you can understand what I am saying. Fuimos is the past tense of to go and it is nosotros since it is mommy and me. Luego means then. Entonces also kind of means then. I hope you are learning Spanish quickly! It is such a good language.
It has been a pretty good week. We had a house showing on Monday and though the people did not want the house at least we had a showing and we have another one today. It would be a big load off our minds if the house would sell. My lawyer had me talk with a doctor who will be an expert witness for me and when he was done talking to me he did not understand why the hospital was suspending me. He agreed to be a witness for me both of which mean he believes I am a decent doctor and what I did was not bad medicine.
I have to tell you my experience in the temple yesterday because it was very profound and I am already losing some of the beautiful feeling I had. So we drove to the temple yesterday alone. Normally we would have gone with the Barneys but they had to go home after lunch and we had to stay to go to the storehouse and to work in the temple that night. So, on the way as always I was super worried, about all the things happening to me and what is going to happen and if I will be able to work or have a job after this. I try to not get down but from the time I wake up in the morning till I go to bed and even in the middle of the night, I worry and am scared. So, we drive to the temple and get there and walk in and give our recommends to the brother at the desk and go in to change. As I am changing, I realize that all the fear and despair and worry and doubt and self recrimination and unhappiness is completely gone. Now sometimes I kind of prepare my self to enter the temple and think about how I will feel better when I am there because Satan cannot influence or put thoughts into my mind in the temple. But yesterday, I did not really think about that before I went in, I just kind of went in and didn't really concentrate on that, but as I was changing my clothes I realized the complete lack of worry and fear and misery I felt. I realized something in that moment. All the doubt and fear and worry and irrational misery I am feeling is not of god, it is from the Devil. Literally, the DEvil is telling me 24 hours a day while I am outside the temple that I will lose, that I am going to fail in my hearing, that the hospital people will win the hearing, that I won't be able to get a job, that we will lose our income and I may not ever be able to work. Whereas when I was in the temple yesterday, all the fear and despair was completely gone. That proved to me that the truth is the opposite from what I feel outside the temple, the truth is that we will be fine. That I am going to win my hearing, that I am going to be vindicated and that my lawyer and I will be able to take care of this. I realized that again, the blessing I received at the beginning will come to pass just as Bro Groen blessed me "you will know what to say to take care of this situation". As I sat praying before the endowment, I felt so close to Heavenly Father and Jesus. I knew it would all be ok. To be honest Glo, I do not know how it will come to pass, but yesterday in the temple I had another confirmation that we will be ok. I prayed for Mommy and you and Ethan and Mark and Johannah and Allison and Rebecca and Baby and Brother, that we would all be ok and safe and happy. I prayed for the Barney's kids that they can come unto Jesus and love Him. So we went through the endowment and had a beautiful session and I felt so close to Heavenly Father and Jesus during the session. Then, we went to Shake Shack and ate and talked to Barneys and then to the storehouse and they did not have a lot for us to do.
Then we went back at 5:30 to work in the temple at 6. I was assigned to be the officiator which I really like and which I am learning to do pretty well. So, before the session I stand by the door and check the slips to make sure the brothers have their red check mark to say they got their new name. There were only 3 brethren in the endowment so as I stood by the door in the temple to the endowment room I prayed again. It was very peaceful and I felt so safe from my troubles and knew again it would be ok. I said to God, "thy will be done" and that Mommy and I would go wherever he wants us to go and do whatever he wants us to do. I really mean it, I just wish I knew what he has in store for us. I felt as I prayed that this time on administrative leave from work is a time to rest from my job, that has always been so hard on me and so stressful. I have to say, for what I have felt, I would have been willing to work to avoid this misery, but I really felt like I have been saved from a worse situation that could have happened if I had stayed at this hospital and that they don't deserve me and how hard I have worked. I felt like, Heavenly Father sent me here to work but they do not appreciate me and are not supportive and so he is not going to let them do anything worse to me than what they are doing. It is interesting because while what has happened is very serious and difficult, my patients have done well and have recovered from their problems as far as I know and last I talked to them all, they were very happy with their results.
I hope I am conveying some of the good feelings and spirit I felt yesterday. I have to tell you yesterday while in the temple, I felt, lets have the hearing now and get it over with I was so sure it will go well for me, but it has to go through the normal process so I will follow the lawyers recommendation on that. But, I am thankful for the gift of Gods love and spirit yesterday. I have to tell you it made me think of the idea of the Buffetings of Satan. I have always heard about that but I have not really ever felt it. I am not normally tempted to do anything immoral or violent or angry. I do not have an overwhelming sense of dishonesty. But, literally all day, all my waking moments and even getting woken up in the middle of the night, I worry and am fearful of this. And seeing yesterday how it was all gone in the temple where Jesus reigns and Satan is not, I realized that the feelings I feel outside are the buffetings of satan. He is not tempting me to do evil, he is tempting me to doubt God and lack faith and to be fearful and to despair. When I realized this, it made me think of Jesus, how Satan over and over during his life tried to make him doubt who he was and what he was supposed to do. Those are tools of Satan, he wants to make us fear and doubt who we are and who is for us. Just like he did to Jesus when he was on the earth. "if thou be the son of God, make this stone bread, if thou be the son of God cast thyself off this pinnacle and have the angels save you", kid thou be the son of God, worship me and I will give you the kingdoms of the earth, if thou be the Son of God, have his angels save you and come down from the cross".
As a missionary, you will be tempted to feel bad and ineffective and sad and to despair. You will worry you cannot learn Spanish fast or well enough, you will not think you can learn to teach the gospel well enough, you will worry you are not doing enough. Don't listen to that voice, it is not you but Satan that will tell you to despair and fear. I had that experience in the MTC. I was so worried and unhappy because it felt like I could not do it. One night I remember feeling so down and hopeless, and I realized that it was Satan that was taking me down, so I raised my arm to the square and said, "in the name of Jesus Christ I command the evil spirits around me to leave and to stop telling me to feel bad" and I felt better. As a missionary you may need to do that on occasion. Its like what happens in the endowment when Peter casts satan out, and you have the power to do that as a minister of Jesus Christ.
Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. I hope it doesn't take up too much of your time. After the temple, I had to talk to the expert witness and he seemed to feel like I am not in the wrong, but he will need to check the medical records. I will keep praying for you and you keep praying for us.
We love you Glo!
Love,
Daddy
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