The paper (and the other articles I read) concluded that the best way to really instill more open minded values in children (so boys know they can be commutative and sensitive, and girls can interact and play with spatial toys) is to foster the idea that toys and playtime should be based solely on the users interest.
Quote, "Parents and professional send messages about gender roles in their ordinary routines they create at home and school. Children should be encouraged to participate in same sex and mixed gender groups to work and play. Chores should be assigned based on children's abilities and interests rather than on stereotypes assumptions that boys are strong and girls are suited to tasks that neither stretch their muscles or minds. Adults are powerful role models, coaches, and cheerleaders as children map out the dimensions of their gender identity. This study demonstrates the importance of sending messages that accurately reflect their values and beliefs so that children can realize their hopes and dreams unfettered by out dated stereotypes and limitations." In this study and other articles I read, the solution to this problem was to allow children to choose.
As I've gotten older, I've started to appreciate how well Mommy handled our interest as kids and let us do what we wanted. She supported us in our interests whatever they were and because of that, we're pretty gosh dang well-rounded kids. It's as if Mommy created the list of things they had in that quote. In spite of our whining, she made us all do the same chores, whether that was running, reading our scriptures, feeding the dogs or doing the dishes. She showed us as a stay-at-home mom the importance of a dedicated, caring, communicative parent while also showing us that we can be crazy smart, talented and educated politically, socially, musically and traditionally through not only her own example, but close friends, TV shows, movies and books. Every year Mommy surprised me with some gift that was so thoughtful because it would further my involvement in what I love whether it was a set of graphic novels or the tools to start water coloring.I love this last line from the analysis: "This study demonstrates the importance of sending messages that accurately reflect their values and beliefs so that children can realize their hopes and dreams unfettered by outdated stereotypes and limitations." Mommy has done that. She has let her kids do whatever they wanted, whether that's being artistic, analytical or caring, usually some combination of all three. Mommy (along with Daddy's support) has allowed us to fulfill and live our dreams by providing us with the tools and information we need to do so. And she did it all without having to read an intellectual paper on it. Mommy has been the perfect role model for us kids and it's just amazing how well she's pulled it off. Mommy has been a perfect role model as we've mapped out our whole lives.
Seriously though mama, you're my role model, and I know all those grandkids are gonna look up to Lollie just as much as I do <3
Glo! Thank you so much! This is such a nice compliment, and a post that I will definitely pull out on days when I'm feeling like I'm not much of anything ;-). Can I attempt to answer your title question in this tiny comment box? I might need to reply in several boxes....
ReplyDeleteI think I parented the way I did because of the role models that I had as a kid. I can think of three specifically. Gram, or Margaret Parsons Apgar, was my paternal grandmother. Although I would need to go back and look through the letters she wrote me as a child, I know that Gram didn't fit the mold of a girl in her time. In fact, she was much like a traditional boy. She loved math in school, and she was an athlete. And through the letters and small gifts she sent me as a child, she encouraged me to be smart. She gave me puzzles as gifts and wrote me stories of her own childhood spent playing in the woods in the Pocono mountains. She was never pigeon-holed by her own parents to be something that she didn't naturally want to be.
As much as I might not want to admit it, my mother never expected me to be something gender-specific either. Why would she? She was one of only a few women in the 1970s who even considered going to medical school. You all know the story of my mom hand sewing me doll clothes as a gift when I was three years old....and how I dressed up my CATS in the clothes. After that, gifts became books and Tinkertoys and Legos and a bike. I never saw a Barbie, or anything pink.
And G-Mother (my step-father's mother). She probably exemplified the traditional role of a woman more than anyone, and yet I never got the feeling that she thought she couldn't do something because she was a woman. She (along with my grandad) pushed me harder than anyone to excel at whatever interested me. If I was smart, let's test it with an IQ test and enroll me in computer programming classes at the age of 12. If I was talented and seemed interested in the piano, let's get me lessons with a concert pianist. If I wanted to spend all day swimming in the neighbor's pool, no worries. And oh, by the way, let's not forget to "put on our faces" in the morning--the one and only time I wore makeup!
And finally, I have to give credit to the men of my childhood. Never, not ONCE, was I ignored or treated differently because I was a girl. In fact, to this day, I feel incredibly frustrated when men and women split off at social events. Why in the world don't they want to talk to each other? I would much rather discuss sports and science with the men than listen to the women share birth stories.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most frustrating gender stereotyping moments of raising you kids came when Hannie turned five. We had had such great experiences with the boys being in Cub Scouts. They were learning important principles about patriotism and service and science and the outdoors that I was excited for you girls to learn the same. So I enrolled Hannah in Daisy Scouts, the precursor to Girl Scouts. After four months of craft projects and baking, I stopped taking her. What a waste! I wanted her to learn the same things the boys were learning! And tied for first place? Young Women's activities at church. There were two leaders, Sister Koide and Sister Cannon, who saw girls as more than spa nights and cupcake decorating, but they were sadly released soon after they were called. As was I--released as Young Women's president in Bitburg after only nine months. I do believe we need to show the girls of the world that they are worth more than what we are teaching them, but that idea is still relatively new.
So why am I a stay-at-home mom? It would seem that my job would be the crowning achievement of pigeon-holed women around the world, right? Because the way I parent isn't the traditional way. It's the smart, creative, supportive way. It stretches my intellect daily and demands more from me than any worldly career ever would. I mean, who is going to teach the next generation of girls that they don't have to play with Barbies and stay in the kitchen for the rest of their lives?
Thanks again, Glo. I love you.