The term "feminism" has been around as long as I have been alive. I distinctly remember the fight women took on during the 70's: they felt that they could do everything a man could do, and they wanted recognition for that (mostly through jobs in the workplace). To this day, I can hear the words to the song by Peggy Lee, "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan." I never saw any different, and I figured everyone understood this concept.
I was very fortunate, in that I was raised by two very strong, very intelligent women. I don't even know the struggles my mother faced, applying to medical school in the mid 1970's, as a woman. From what I saw, she never let the fact that she was a woman deter her from doing anything she wanted. As a consequence, I never thought that the fact that I was a woman would prevent me from taking advantage of any opportunity.
My grandmother, who never working professionally, never backed down from anything either. In fact, she and my granddad were equal partners through his Air Force career and into retirement. While they certainly didn't perform the same jobs (she was making grits in the kitchen while he was out mowing the lawn), I never got the impression that either job was less important.
My grandfather Caruthers never treated me any less either because I was a girl. In fact, he outbid every bidder at a charity auction to buy an administered IQ test for me. It lasted several days (in the company of a proctor), and it involved tests across the spectrum. My granddad sat next to me throughout the entire test, and after one test that quizzed my knowledge of tools (and I
failed to identify a table vise), he brought in his vise from the garage to teach me its name and about its purpose. He didn't know a lot of answers to the tests, nor how to solve many of the problems, but he was amazed that I did.
Until his dying day, he bragged about the score I had received, and about my evaluation. The proctor had told my granddad, based on my score, that I could be anything I put my mind to be. I was just that smart. And in my granddad's mind, it didn't matter one bit that I was a girl.
I am extremely proud of my lineage, because of the fact that from what I can see, the women in our family have never been treated as less. In fact, I married someone who upheld that thought--John probably believes I can be more than even I believe--and to his credit, he listens to me.
With all of that in mind, I never had a reason to feel like I needed to fight for my rights. Men and women were created equal, right?
A couple of days ago, John asked me why I thought women in our church were asking for the priesthood. In other words, he wanted a woman's point of view. I honestly hadn't thought of that before, because I see the debate like any other: it's people not wanting to adhere to the rules of our church. If you're a woman, and want the priesthood, join another church. However, as I began talking to him and thinking about it myself, I could see a reason behind it.
There are times, in our church, when women aren't treated like equals. This has nothing to do with how the church is supposed to be run--it has to do with the fact that, as with any organization, the members of the church are imperfect people.
For the first ten years of my adult life in our church, I never felt like less. I was asked to be the president of different organizations, and the men with whom I worked--the bishops specifically--treated me with complete respect. In fact, there were times when they were so worried about what I had to do, they would call me up to see if they could help in anyway. Too this day, I have the warmest, kindest memories of them, and I have sought them out when I have returned to those areas again.
However, since then, my experience has not been the same. I have been patronized and ignored at times (when I shouldn't be), and it's a hard pill to swallow. An example:
Last year, I was the director of four different Family History Centers here in central Pennsylvania. I was asked to try and "clean up" the mess of offended feelings and assumed "territories". In other words, people just weren't working together for the benefit of family history itself, and the work was suffering.
Phew, it was a mess. Everybody had an opinion, including bad opinions of everyone else working there. Understanding the hierarchy of the church, I needed some support to change things (because quite honestly, a LOT of things needed to change). The leaders to whom I could ask support were all men....and in general, were unresponsive to my pleas.
In fact, I was floored when a meeting (of men) was held about everything that I had said needed to change....and I wasn't invited. I absolutely could not understand that. Here I was, the director, and I wasn't invited to discuss the dysfunction. I had done so much ground work, and I had already fought so many battles (fought with kindness, of course), and in the end, I was completely ignored. There were times when I thought I should back down and show obeisance, but that didn't accomplish anything either.
In all honesty, I don't think anybody consciously thought, "Oh, Sister Kennedy is a woman. Let's leave her out." I don't think there were any malicious thoughts about me as a woman. I do think though that I approached this problem as a woman, wanting immediate action, and that didn't sit well with the men.
In the end, I was released from the position...and replaced by a man.
I'm not going to lie. That was really hard for me. Not being heard, and not feeling respected.
I was so grateful when shortly after I was asked to be in a presidency, directing the affairs of the young women in 14 different congregations in central Pennsylvania. I must admit that I was very excited to be in this position, and I felt honored that the (female) president had felt I was the right person for the job. You can imagine how I felt about building up the confidence of the young women.
We thought long and hard about how we could help the young women in the area, and came up with several activities that we felt would build their spiritual strength. We were invited to meet with the presidency of the Young Men's organization to correlate everything.
When we tried to present our ideas, everything we suggested was completely discarded. In fact, there was a moment when one of the men actually yelled at our presidency and told us we were wrong! He actually threw his head down on the table while slapping his hands against the table and yelled, "No!" The other man in the room, a very kind, very soft-spoken man (and a friend) was so shell-shocked that he didn't know what to do, and did nothing.
I don't write these experiences to disparage these men. There have only been a few people in my life that I have ever hated, and with the exception of the man who yelled at us, I have no hard feelings towards any of the other men involved with this. However, I believe I am an exception. One of the other female presidency members came out of the meeting and told me of multiple other times she had felt completely passed over by men in the church. I sat in disbelief, hearing the pain and frustration by her of times passed. And our president? I can tell that she feels that this is just "the norm", and she doesn't want to fight it.
I believe that this, my friends, is one of the main reasons that women are fighting for the priesthood in our church. It's one thing to sit back and watch the men give blessings to our babies, baptize our children, and administrate many of the affairs of the church, but not showing us the respect we deserve? Figuratively telling us to get back in the kitchen and let the men of the church make the big decisions?
You better believe that I have done everything to teach my girls that they must be everything they can be. There's is no reason to think that they can't do what a man can do. However, I hope that they will only work with men who respect them and their ideas. As John tries to teach the men in our stake to change their ways, he explains that to think that the men themselves always know better is folly.
I was very fortunate, in that I was raised by two very strong, very intelligent women. I don't even know the struggles my mother faced, applying to medical school in the mid 1970's, as a woman. From what I saw, she never let the fact that she was a woman deter her from doing anything she wanted. As a consequence, I never thought that the fact that I was a woman would prevent me from taking advantage of any opportunity.
My grandmother, who never working professionally, never backed down from anything either. In fact, she and my granddad were equal partners through his Air Force career and into retirement. While they certainly didn't perform the same jobs (she was making grits in the kitchen while he was out mowing the lawn), I never got the impression that either job was less important.
My grandfather Caruthers never treated me any less either because I was a girl. In fact, he outbid every bidder at a charity auction to buy an administered IQ test for me. It lasted several days (in the company of a proctor), and it involved tests across the spectrum. My granddad sat next to me throughout the entire test, and after one test that quizzed my knowledge of tools (and Ifailed to identify a table vise), he brought in his vise from the garage to teach me its name and about its purpose. He didn't know a lot of answers to the tests, nor how to solve many of the problems, but he was amazed that I did.
Until his dying day, he bragged about the score I had received, and about my evaluation. The proctor had told my granddad, based on my score, that I could be anything I put my mind to be. I was just that smart. And in my granddad's mind, it didn't matter one bit that I was a girl.
I am extremely proud of my lineage, because of the fact that from what I can see, the women in our family have never been treated as less. In fact, I married someone who upheld that thought--John probably believes I can be more than even I believe--and to his credit, he listens to me.
With all of that in mind, I never had a reason to feel like I needed to fight for my rights. Men and women were created equal, right?
A couple of days ago, John asked me why I thought women in our church were asking for the priesthood. In other words, he wanted a woman's point of view. I honestly hadn't thought of that before, because I see the debate like any other: it's people not wanting to adhere to the rules of our church. If you're a woman, and want the priesthood, join another church. However, as I began talking to him and thinking about it myself, I could see a reason behind it.
There are times, in our church, when women aren't treated like equals. This has nothing to do with how the church is supposed to be run--it has to do with the fact that, as with any organization, the members of the church are imperfect people.
For the first ten years of my adult life in our church, I never felt like less. I was asked to be the president of different organizations, and the men with whom I worked--the bishops specifically--treated me with complete respect. In fact, there were times when they were so worried about what I had to do, they would call me up to see if they could help in anyway. Too this day, I have the warmest, kindest memories of them, and I have sought them out when I have returned to those areas again.
However, since then, my experience has not been the same. I have been patronized and ignored at times (when I shouldn't be), and it's a hard pill to swallow. An example:
Last year, I was the director of four different Family History Centers here in central Pennsylvania. I was asked to try and "clean up" the mess of offended feelings and assumed "territories". In other words, people just weren't working together for the benefit of family history itself, and the work was suffering.
Phew, it was a mess. Everybody had an opinion, including bad opinions of everyone else working there. Understanding the hierarchy of the church, I needed some support to change things (because quite honestly, a LOT of things needed to change). The leaders to whom I could ask support were all men....and in general, were unresponsive to my pleas.
In fact, I was floored when a meeting (of men) was held about everything that I had said needed to change....and I wasn't invited. I absolutely could not understand that. Here I was, the director, and I wasn't invited to discuss the dysfunction. I had done so much ground work, and I had already fought so many battles (fought with kindness, of course), and in the end, I was completely ignored. There were times when I thought I should back down and show obeisance, but that didn't accomplish anything either.
In all honesty, I don't think anybody consciously thought, "Oh, Sister Kennedy is a woman. Let's leave her out." I don't think there were any malicious thoughts about me as a woman. I do think though that I approached this problem as a woman, wanting immediate action, and that didn't sit well with the men.
In the end, I was released from the position...and replaced by a man.
I'm not going to lie. That was really hard for me. Not being heard, and not feeling respected.
I was so grateful when shortly after I was asked to be in a presidency, directing the affairs of the young women in 14 different congregations in central Pennsylvania. I must admit that I was very excited to be in this position, and I felt honored that the (female) president had felt I was the right person for the job. You can imagine how I felt about building up the confidence of the young women.
We thought long and hard about how we could help the young women in the area, and came up with several activities that we felt would build their spiritual strength. We were invited to meet with the presidency of the Young Men's organization to correlate everything.
When we tried to present our ideas, everything we suggested was completely discarded. In fact, there was a moment when one of the men actually yelled at our presidency and told us we were wrong! He actually threw his head down on the table while slapping his hands against the table and yelled, "No!" The other man in the room, a very kind, very soft-spoken man (and a friend) was so shell-shocked that he didn't know what to do, and did nothing.
I don't write these experiences to disparage these men. There have only been a few people in my life that I have ever hated, and with the exception of the man who yelled at us, I have no hard feelings towards any of the other men involved with this. However, I believe I am an exception. One of the other female presidency members came out of the meeting and told me of multiple other times she had felt completely passed over by men in the church. I sat in disbelief, hearing the pain and frustration by her of times passed. And our president? I can tell that she feels that this is just "the norm", and she doesn't want to fight it.
I believe that this, my friends, is one of the main reasons that women are fighting for the priesthood in our church. It's one thing to sit back and watch the men give blessings to our babies, baptize our children, and administrate many of the affairs of the church, but not showing us the respect we deserve? Figuratively telling us to get back in the kitchen and let the men of the church make the big decisions?
You better believe that I have done everything to teach my girls that they must be everything they can be. There's is no reason to think that they can't do what a man can do. However, I hope that they will only work with men who respect them and their ideas. As John tries to teach the men in our stake to change their ways, he explains that to think that the men themselves always know better is folly.
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