Being Grounded

Being grounded.  This term can be interpreted in a number of different ways.  A pilot might see it as a situation where he's unable to take a plane up in the air, either because of weather, or because of his own negligence.  Emotionally, one might say that a person has a focused vision of his life.  A teenager would cringe at the term, knowing that certain privileges are being taken away.

A couple of weeks ago, this term was inflicted on Glo for all of the reasons mentioned above.

John and I have never "grounded" a child per se.  That term wasn't used with us as children, and we haven't used it.  However, we do occasionally ration out appropriate punishments for extended periods of time ;-)

At the beginning of the last marking period, Glo had three "B+"s (with the rest of her grades being "A"s).  In my mind, this is completely unacceptable.  It may sound harsh, but my children understand this rule, and there's no discussion about it.  Occasionally, I will give a "bye" to a certain class that has proven to be impossible because of an inept teacher, but for the most part, there are expectations to be met with no exceptions.

You may think this is too much.  John and I don't see it that way.  As John puts it, bringing home "A"s is our kids' job in high school.  They work hard at schoolwork, we pay them for their grades (but only if they are "A"s).  If they want to attend the college of their choice, they contribute their part of the tuition by earning scholarships; we pay the rest.  "B+"s aren't going to pay for anything.

Because Glo is our baby, she gets away with a whole lot more than the other kids did.  When she disclosed to me that her grades would not be all "A"s, she promised me that she would bring up all of her grades by the next marking period.

She didn't.

I was spitting nails about it.  My children all know what that looks like.

I wasn't giving Glo another chance to work things out on her own.  She was being "grounded".  Let's think about this.  

Channeling the pilot, she can't fly because of her own negligence.  

Channeling the guru, she has been unfocused in her vision.

Channeling the teenager, privileges must be taken away until she rights herself.

I don't dole out punishments that often, so I had to take a moment to ponder what I wanted to do.  I'm the good cop in the parenting relationship, so it's hard for me to disallow a child to do something fun with the rest of us.  If I take away TV, it means that we can't watch TV as a family, and that makes me unhappy.  Last time I checked, the purpose behind grounding isn't to make the parent miserable.

Some of Glo's favorite things to do are watch movies, watch silly YouTube videos, and read sci-fi/fantasy books.  It pains me to think about this, but I took it all away, even the reading, until her grades came up.  In fact, she is under strict orders to take a picture of every grade she receives on every test in every class until this punishment is over.  So, randomly throughout the day, I will receive texts like this:

To everyone's credit (her work and our punishment), her grades have been only "A"s since she was grounded.  Funny what a little negative encouragement can do.

Another part of the punishment was no TV shows.  Well, no TV with one exception:  we like to watch TV together as a family occasionally, and I couldn't imagine leaving Glo out of the picture.

So, when we are sitting down at the end of the day to watch something, Glo is forced to earn her time.  I appreciate the power of the TV carrot; it forces the donkey to act every time!  Any chore that is sitting undone must be quickly done by her.  Load the dishwasher, feed the dogs, pick up a speck of dirt on the floor.  Believe me, I show no mercy.  Glo likens it to Dobby, the house elf, from the Harry Potter books.  And she isn't allowed a surly expression, or any kind of audible sigh.  She must do it happily.  She let us down, and there's no excuse.  

What I have forgotten about Glo, however, is that she is capable of fighting fire with fire.  I imagine it stems from the fact that she has grown up with people who are all older than she is.  As the youngest, she was left figuring out the humor behind our jokes and hearing the sarcasm of her older brothers.

As John and I went upstairs to bed, I left her cleaning up the kitchen (again, very Dobby house elf).  It wasn't very nice of me, because it was late at night, and she was tired.

In the morning, I woke to find this outside my bedroom door:

Yep, that says exactly what you think it does.  I am already mocked incessantly for "getting comfortable" while we watch TV.  Glo couldn't resist taking it one step further.

And I'm reminded that grounding goes around and comes around.  Three "B+"s on a report card?  Not that big a deal when I think about the great, funny, talented, smart kids that I have.  Glo's grounding grounded me.

But she's still grounded.