HALO

No, I'm not talking about Beyonce's song.

No, I'm not talking about the visual effect caused by a migraine.

No, I'm not talking about an angel's headpiece.

I'm talking about the video game, HALO (specifically for XBOX 360, if you really want to know).

This game has been a centerpiece of Kennedy game play for several years now.  At first, I resisted bringing it into our home, because I heard it was rather violent.  But, as is usually the case, the kids convince me that I'm overreacting, wear me down, and it comes home.  Pokemon cards are a perfect example of this, right Cheese?

Because I love to play video games, I sat down with John in the beginning, and he tried to show me how it works.  I understand the game, and I understand what I'm supposed to do, but for some strange reason, my brain can't wrap itself around the controller.

I've held a lot of controllers in my time:  PlayStation, the original Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega Dreamcast.  I've never had a problem before, but the controller for the XBOX 360...in the context of HALO?  One knob for moving, one knob for my line of sight, four buttons for jumping, crouching, beating, and something else, and four different triggers?   I just can't do it.

So I gave up.  The boys, Glo and John continued to play (and could spend hours doing so), but I would just find something else to do.

Until last night.

John was post-call (which means an open invitation for all sorts of shenanigans that he wouldn't do otherwise), and per our usual post-call days, we did a million errands in the morning, worked out, showered, and were ready to head to lunch.  Glo was home because she is nursing a bad case of pink eye, so we decided to take her too, because, you know, there's nothing to spread the disease like heading out into public and having her touch all kinds of doorknobs and such.  With that idea, John felt it would be nice if we just waited for Hannie to get home from school, and we could all go together.  (To this idea, Glo desisted.  She felt that only the "lip kissers" should be invited, but that's another post altogether.)

So, we met Hannie at T.G.I. Friday's for "linner", like brunch but at 3:30 in the afternoon. Surprisingly, both of the girls ordered wings.  Nothing else, but a drink and wings.

Take a step back for a moment here.  While we were waiting for Hannah to get out of school, John and Glo had headed upstairs for an hour of HALO playing.  I was downstairs reading.  A couple of minutes before we were supposed to leave, I heard John yelling at Glo.  He was saying that he wasn't going to play with her anymore because she's just so mean to him.  There was some yelling about a tank, and yelling about not moving the tank, and then angry footsteps plodding across the floor to the stairs.

This is not the first time this has happened.  Because John is the least experienced HALO player of the Kennedy family, and because Glo is the least patient member of the Kennedy family (especially when it comes to her father), the two of them playing together is always a recipe for disaster.

Somehow, the topic of this fight came up while we were sitting on the T.G.I. Friday's patio, and Glo ended up in tears at the table.  While I am known to usually take the kids' sides in these matters, I knew that the fault of this problem rested squarely on Glo's shoulders.  It didn't help that Hannah could bring up Ethan's patience when Glo was learning how to play the game.  Glo was in the wrong, not letting John learn how to play.

John has the tenderest heart for Johannah, but a close runner-up is a teary-eyed Glo.  (It was even more heart-breaking, because her one eye is totally infected, so she looked like an absolute mess.)  By this time, the wings had been delivered, Glo was crying, and John needed a way to diffuse the tense situation.  Remember how I said he was post-call?

He saw the celery that accompanies wings, and told the girls that they should eat it.  Hannah, trying to also be a peacemaker, took a large bite of the celery.  It took all of her determined, stubborn might to get it down, but get it down she did.

Then, in a moment of pure stupidity (or post-call delirium), he told Glo that if she ate the celery on her plate, HANNAH AND I WOULD PLAY HALO WITH THEM WHEN WE GOT HOME.

Back the machine gun up here, folks....

What did you say, and how the heck did I get roped into this conflict?

John wasn't delirious at all.  In fact, he was insanely brilliant!  Two things that can bring joy to Glo's heart:  HALO, and time with her mother.

I wasn't worried, because I knew there was no way that Glo would eat that celery.  No problem in John's mind--she just ate the broccoli off of my plate, and that was good enough for John.  What is she?  Three years old?

So, she ate the broccoli, the tears stopped, and I hoped that all would be forgotten (and you know what "all" means in this case....the entire deal, right?)

Nope.  We came home, Hannah did her homework, and for once, Glo was the person initiating Family Home Evening (we are usually dragging her by her hair to FHE).  I know--it's ironic, isn't it?  Playing HALO for Family Home Evening.  And people wonder why our kids love us so much....

Surprise, surprise.  I'm older than the last time I played, my brain is slower, and my eyes aren't as fast.  I was terrible.  Absolutely terrible at playing.

In fact, I just gave up the end.  I knew I would die, and I knew I wouldn't be able to kill anyone else.  Too, I was on Glo's team, and believe you me, she didn't hide her disappointment (or stress) about the fact that her teammate wasn't carrying her weight.

As an aside, Johannah is a total video game FAKER.  She said she couldn't play either (and doesn't play regularly), but she was making more kills than John!

Again, I love to play video games.  I want everyone to understand that I am not one of those very uncool moms who won't play the latest thing, or watch the latest movie, or even text their kids.  HALO, however, is beyond me.

So, as I crawled into bed last night, I found a Stickie note on my pillow.  This isn't unusual for Glo.  She uses Stickies for everything, including leaving me reminders about something we need to do the next day.

Here's what this Stickie said:

Hey Mama,

Thanks for playing Halo with everybody!  Sorry if you didn't enjoy it, but great if you did!  We'll figure the controls out later and DESTROY daddy and hannah.  I just learned from playin' with Ethan.  We'll do it the same way.

Love, Glo (followed by a drawing of a rifle)

I find this Stickie rather amusing for several reasons:

• She's remembering one of the cardinal rules of being a Kennedy:  always write a thank you note :-)
• She's hopeful that despite the fact that I basically holed up in a rock corner at the end of the game (and virtually cried), I enjoyed playing.  I hate to dash her hopeful heart, but I did NOT enjoy it.
• She hasn't lost her Kennedy competitive edge.  In fact, her desire to win has only been fueled by the fact that we were destroyed.  Keep thinking that way throughout your life, Glo--it will only help you maintain the competitive advantage against future romantic/scholastic/athletic/music rivals.
• I see now that she will be a great mother.  She's trying to comfort me in much the same way I comfort her, albeit in regards to weapons and killing sprees.
• Her Stickies are generally concluded with a drawing of a Pokemon character, or a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon.  Why not end this one with a semi-automatic weapon?

I don't know about this game.  I'm not sure I should be embracing a game where one needs to respawn, and where family members feel that they can yell at one another.

Who am I kidding?  I would totally enjoy playing this game....if only I could figure out that darn controller!