A Sigh of Relief

I have been non-stop sick since the summer.  It's the same old, same old.  Terrible allergy and sinus problems.  Before the summer (and before working and living in humid Michigan which is never good for my mold allergies), I was relatively allergy free as long as I maintained my cocktail of medications.  However, since returning, my meds have given me little relief.  I've had constant sinus infections accompanied with daily migraines.  I've been on several courses of steroids and antibiotics, all with no relief.  I had terrible problems clearing my ears when I went scuba diving.

I've felt like I'm a crazy person.  I don't like to stop, or slow down because of physical ailments.  I started running a week after my first back surgery (and consequently needed another one three months later).  When I look back and read the level of life I maintained after breaking my ankle (really?  a two-hour walking tour of Northwestern), I'm amazed at what I could do (I honestly can't remember most of it, so I'm glad I recorded it).  Allergies?  Life should be no problem.  However, that has not been the case.

Here are just a few things that I encounter on a daily basis:

• I can't wear my contacts for more than a couple hours a day because of all the crud that builds up in my eyes.
• I wake up in the morning with goo dripping non-stop from my nose.
• I must exercise each day to simply subdue the symptoms to a point where I can function, but I can't exercise hard because I can't breathe through the asthma.
• I get daily migraines which means
• I can't be in bright light
• I can't think clearly
• I can't read music
• I just want to sleep
• I can't drive long distances
• I have to be careful about planning my day.  Nothing that will stress me out before a stressful event.
• My lungs crackle non-stop through the night, and John worries about my breathing.
• I run fevers.

I have been so frustrated because I don't like to complain (yes, I recognize that I'm doing it now, but this complaining will come to a point...).  I've gone to see my allergist when I can hardly drive anymore, although his office is 40 minutes away so that's always an adventure.  Through the tree-covered (aka moldy) mountains, in the sunlight, with a migraine.  I feel like a loser when after a course of medication, I don't feel any better (and don't want to tell anyone that).  I've been frustrated too because it's appeared that my allergy injections aren't working (but they seem to work for everyone else on the planet).  I actually had to cancel a lunch appointment the other day (which is one of my favorite things to do in life) because my head hurt so badly.  I joked with John the other day about the pain in my sinuses, and pressed on them to show him which ones (the ones above my eyes)--I couldn't see the rest of the day because of the pain.

Today, I was sent for a CAT Scan of my head, specifically my sinuses.  

My allergist is the greatest, happiest guy, and when he called with my results, it sounded like he had good news.

Imagine my surprise when in his happy voice he said, "Hey!  I have your results!"

Oh boy!  This sounds promising!

"Your sinuses are terrible!"

I was almost reduced to tears, not because of the news, but because of the wave of relief that came over me.  Pure and utter relief.

I have tried to be strong since the summer.  I have attended all kinds of activities when I feel like I'm about to die--all with a smile on my face.  I have photoshopped out the dark circles underneath my eyes that I can see in pictures because I'm feeling so ill.  I have stressed and worried about vacations being ruined because I can't clear my ears.  I haven't wanted to burden anyone with the misery I am feeling.

It was so good to hear that I don't have to do it anymore.  I have a reason to be ill.  It's not just in my mind.  I have legitimate problems.

I know this sounds corny, but I'm so glad that we can now work on getting this fixed.  I just want to get back to being my legitimately happy self.  I begin steroids and antibiotics again today with an appointment to see an ENT.  It will undoubtedly require more surgery, but I don't mind--I know that I can't keep living like I am now.