As the last post on this blog mentioned, my phone, wallet and keys, along with my fancy new backpack, were stolen at a regatta last weekend, leaving me without a form of transportation, a form of communication and without any form of identification. To say it shortly, this all left me feeling very isolated and violated, like the last post also mentioned. I know that losing physical objects shouldn't be such a big deal if they didn't have any sentimental value, but these three things are some of the most useful tools to me at college. They enable me to talk with my family and organize things, have money and a way to pay for things, and to drive myself where ever I needed to be (which by the way, is a LOT of places) I honestly didn't know what I was going to do.
The next day, Sunday, was our orchestras Halloween concerts. This is where there are two concerts spread out through the day where all the members of the orchestra and the audience dress up, and the orchestra plays fun, popular classical music that is quite entertaining for both the musicians and the audience. It would have been a crazy day anyways, but with the stuff happening the previous day, it started off miserable and kept spiraling downwards. First, I hadn't played the day before so my chops weren't doing so well anyways and we had two concerts. Second, I still had to get my costume ready (Power Rangers). Third, I had no way to pay for lunch between concerts, and from the looks of it, it was going to be a long day. Fourth, and probably the worst; as I'm going to the box office to buy Mommy a last minute ticket, some guy decides today it is his lucky day to pick on and make fun of me cause of my lacking, last-minute Power Rangers costume that I already felt awkward and out of place in. Overall it was leading up to one of the worst days of my life.
I cannot express my incredible explosion of relief when I saw Mommy round the corner, bringing a new phone (which was hers that she gave up for me), lunch, and most importantly, a huge hug that I so desperately needed. I legitimately cried right there and I didn't care who saw me cause I needed her right then and I was so happy she was there. Honestly, if she hadn't come, that would have been, without a doubt, one of the worst days of my life and I would not have recovered from the previous day as fast as I did.
This is all to say that despite her and Daddy's HUGE sacrifice (she drove 12 hours total, gave up her phone for 3 weeks and Daddy paid for a hotel and let her come here) I did not show any gratitude for this huge expression of love besides thanking her in person when she was here. At the time, I didn't think much of it, but now I realize how completely ungrateful I was to not thank her everyday for her sacrifice to make my college experience WAY better than it would have been this past week. I don't know what I would have done without you Mama.
I feel like this happens a lot, especially with forgetful me. Mothers do things for others that aren't seen or perceived, that we sometimes overlook in our pursuit of our own interests. Or it could be that we perceive them, but after a certain period of time, we forget that our mothers have sacrificed time, talents, and experiences to help us reestablish our sense of control over our lives and environments. Things we forget to be grateful for could be anything: driving us to Philly for lessons, getting a job at Interlochen so we can be day campers, or even giving up a dream job or career to help raise us and give us all her time and love. Everything has been put on hold for my Mama, so she could raise us kids.
And we too often, forget to say thank you.
So thank you Mommy. For EVERYTHING. For starting me in music and singing with me all the time. For helping me navigate the German school system, even though neither of us spoke German well enough to understand anything. For finding me horn teachers in Germany and forcing me to practice. For accompanying EVERY solo I've ever played, and every recital I've ever had. For forcing me to practice even more everyday on the horn. For finding Angela, who was the missing piece in my goal to going to college for french horn. For driving me to every lesson in Philly. For coming with me to EVERY single college visit, despite having a scooter with a broken ankle in three places and the constant pain not resting caused you. For practically finishing all my college applications for me. For coming to every audition with me, and supporting me through every single one. For helping me decide which college to attend. For giving me hugs and love when it felt like none of my "friends" would. For understanding when I felt like the whole world was crashing down on me, and standing beside me to help keep me up. For helping me navigate Ann Arbor and settle into college. For coming every two weeks since I've been in college to either see my concerts or give me love when it felt like I had no where to turn for help. And for always being willing to drop what you're doing and help me.
I love you Mama and I'm sorry I forgot to say thank you for the phone and for coming down here to help me. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to have you here and to not have to worry anymore about all that stuff. I'm just really sorry I didn't say thank you.
I love you Perfato Mama
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