When I married John over 21 years ago, I assumed that in 21 years, our marriage would be darn near perfect. Well, here we are, 21 years later, and it's not quite there yet.
When I married him, I assumed that it would only be a matter of time before I fixed everything that bothered me about him. From leaving the phone book on the floor (in Wymount Terrace at BYU), to correcting his grammar (the dog was barking at him and I), to hoping he would brush his teeth, or eat a mint before he kissed me--I would get him to change, because I was right.
Well, I quickly discovered that the large piece of lumber in my eye (i.e. the mote) was harming our relationship. Not only was my "perfection" (i.e. pride) causing me to ignore the flaws in myself, but it was obscuring the view of the many characteristics of my husband that are divine. Oh my goodness, the baggage I brought into our marriage--he could have written a book about all of my flaws.
While he still leaves out the phone book occasionally, and prayers can be painful to my grammatical psyche, he did brush his teeth before kissing me until I lost my sense of taste and smell (oh, the irony!) I continue to work on being a more patient, accepting (i.e. nonjudgemental) person, although pride rears its ugly head more times than I want to admit. Despite the fact that he never has a critical word to say to me, I continue to pick on his very small, insignificant traits.
What I forget to see is how much people love John because he loves them. I can't begin to count the number of times he has stopped along the road to help someone with a broken down car. In fact, my boys can't pass up someone who needs help now, because they have learned it from their father. On the weekend, when he could be relaxing, or watching TV, he's out rebuilding a pond for eight hours for an elderly woman. His payment? A couple of fish for our pond (or however many he can catch from hers). When a family was falling away from the church because they had been offended because their grandson hadn't been helped appropriately and was going to lose his chance of earning Eagle, John stepped in, smoothed relations between the family and the church leaders, and made everything happen (i.e. pulled some strings) to make sure the boy could earn the Eagle rank. My most recent complaint to John is that he isn't home enough. Let me remove the mote from my eye so that I can see how selfish I have been.
Another major issue I had with John when we got married was that he always walked in front of me, even when we were holding hands. It had nothing to do with attitude, but instead had to do with the length of his legs. I felt like he was disrespecting me, and not thinking about me.
Remember what I said about John loving people?
I can't remember the last time John walked in front of me, but he has for the past 20 years, walked beside me. He has walked beside me through student poverty, through four children under the age of nine, through more callings than the two of us can count, through health problems, through medical school and residency and through all the funny, happy, fulfilling times too. As he constantly tells me (and as people constantly notice), everything in his life is done to make me happy. And looking back on the past 21 years, I can't deny it. He makes me happy in every way.
When I married him, I assumed that it would only be a matter of time before I fixed everything that bothered me about him. From leaving the phone book on the floor (in Wymount Terrace at BYU), to correcting his grammar (the dog was barking at him and I), to hoping he would brush his teeth, or eat a mint before he kissed me--I would get him to change, because I was right.
Well, I quickly discovered that the large piece of lumber in my eye (i.e. the mote) was harming our relationship. Not only was my "perfection" (i.e. pride) causing me to ignore the flaws in myself, but it was obscuring the view of the many characteristics of my husband that are divine. Oh my goodness, the baggage I brought into our marriage--he could have written a book about all of my flaws.
While he still leaves out the phone book occasionally, and prayers can be painful to my grammatical psyche, he did brush his teeth before kissing me until I lost my sense of taste and smell (oh, the irony!) I continue to work on being a more patient, accepting (i.e. nonjudgemental) person, although pride rears its ugly head more times than I want to admit. Despite the fact that he never has a critical word to say to me, I continue to pick on his very small, insignificant traits.
What I forget to see is how much people love John because he loves them. I can't begin to count the number of times he has stopped along the road to help someone with a broken down car. In fact, my boys can't pass up someone who needs help now, because they have learned it from their father. On the weekend, when he could be relaxing, or watching TV, he's out rebuilding a pond for eight hours for an elderly woman. His payment? A couple of fish for our pond (or however many he can catch from hers). When a family was falling away from the church because they had been offended because their grandson hadn't been helped appropriately and was going to lose his chance of earning Eagle, John stepped in, smoothed relations between the family and the church leaders, and made everything happen (i.e. pulled some strings) to make sure the boy could earn the Eagle rank. My most recent complaint to John is that he isn't home enough. Let me remove the mote from my eye so that I can see how selfish I have been.
Another major issue I had with John when we got married was that he always walked in front of me, even when we were holding hands. It had nothing to do with attitude, but instead had to do with the length of his legs. I felt like he was disrespecting me, and not thinking about me.
Remember what I said about John loving people?
I can't remember the last time John walked in front of me, but he has for the past 20 years, walked beside me. He has walked beside me through student poverty, through four children under the age of nine, through more callings than the two of us can count, through health problems, through medical school and residency and through all the funny, happy, fulfilling times too. As he constantly tells me (and as people constantly notice), everything in his life is done to make me happy. And looking back on the past 21 years, I can't deny it. He makes me happy in every way.
Thanks for being so honest about your relationship. This is such an inspiration to me. So many people only talk about the wonderful things and I am glad to see I am not the only one that has bumps in the road some times.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, we can choose to open two eyes wide and see all the faults or shut one eyes and let some go...
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