There are a couple of places on earth that have my heart, and I didn't really appreciate this until I saw how much Interlochen means to Glo. It's a place where she can be who she is, and she returns again and again. New Mexico is one of those places for me.
I think New Mexico might run in my genes. My mom spent part of her childhood in Albuquerque (being a military brat, I'm never quite sure what location plays into what part of her childhood), and my dad was stationed there for a while. In fact, he met his second wife, Janet, there, and she is from Albuquerque as well. After my dad died, Janet took her two kids back to Albuquerque, and that's where Meg calls home. Growing up, I visited my grandad in Las Vegas, but many years ago, he and his wife, Vannette, moved back to Albuquerque where I have continued to visit him. Too, I have some actual good memories of going to Ruidoso on weekends as a holiday, and I suspect that is at the core of why I love it there. But I love more than just the location--I love the big open spaces where the sky extends forever. I love the connection to the Native American tribes. I love the colors in the scenery. But it's more than that--it's just a place where I feel like I belong.
Back in 2019, one month before John's hearing, we flew down to New Mexico for a medical conference and to see our friends, the Carlsons. To this day, John and I talk about the tender mercy it was to be with them. They were listening ears for our stress and anxiety and a salve to our wounded souls. They fed us both physically and emotionally, and we leaned on their strength and faith. I remember Dave's blessing to John where he didn't bless him to win the hearing, but that he would have a job at the end of it all. It was a sacred moment, frozen in my memory.
John didn't remember the resort where we stayed for the medical conference until we arrived for the same conference, three years later. I remembered walking along the Rio Grande and feeling some measure of peace as I looked at the sky and mountains, but all John remembered was begging for a job in Pittsburgh after telling the higher-ups what was happening to him...and realizing that they weren't going to hire him. Yeah, that was a rough start to the conference this year, but I was determined to replace those memories with better ones.
Real Life Stuff Coming: After John and I were engaged, I actually called off the engagement for a week. It concerned me that John was so "dominating" of my thoughts and actions. He has made so much improvement on not controlling me and my actions over the 32 years we've been together, but in times of stress, he still falls back on a "his way or the highway" attitude with me. We hadn't even sat down in our seats on the airplane before he was telling me what to do. Consequently, I lost it the next day with him (when he called about getting our room cleaned, but couldn't hear on the phone, so asked them to send someone to repair the phone while I was in the room in my bathing suit about to get in the shower, and sure enough, a guy came knocking both before I got in the shower and after I got out of the shower, and where was John? either on the toilet, or not in the room). It's been months since he's brought me flowers, or apologized for anything, or even really thought about me on my terms and not what he thinks I want or need. We got in a big old fight the first full day there with me telling him that our lives revolve around him, and him telling me that I'm not flexible.
I'm sorry. What?
I'm not flexible? For 32 years, my life and the lives of my children have revolved around him and his insane schedule. I gave up higher education because he didn't want to wait a year for me to finish my degree. I mean, that alone. We work around his running obsession. We eat out where he wants to eat out. We plan our vacations when he can take them. In fact, that very morning, I had had a YW presidency meeting over Zoom, and I had signed off early because John was calling me to come to breakfast. Glo has some very serious anger towards John and his absences in her life because of bishop/stake presidency/job duties.
I may be detail-oriented, but that does not mean I'm not flexible.
As a consequence, I didn't really want to go out, but the day before, doing what John wanted to do and "relax" (and I let him plan the day), we ended up bored and just wasted time. So I found dinner and a movie. I asked him to please be ready to go by 2:30 so we would miss traffic and skip the lines. When he showed up sweaty from running at 2:35, the knife went to the heart. Once again, I would need to change things up because John didn't think about me, or us.
We went to a movie first (See How They Run), a very cute, very fun mystery. But then when we drove to El Patio for dinner, we waited in line for a good 45 minutes. The food was delicious though, and John wanted to return to try more. But it was typical for our lives--John's schedule comes first, and because he's so bad at time management, it always affects me.
The next morning, a miracle happened. I was out walking, and John texted me and asked me what time I could do breakfast.
It was one of the biggest moments in our marriage in a long time. It seems so insignificant and so simple, but John never goes by my schedule. It's always his--running late, having to rush, catching him in small glimpses of free time. He told me the window when he could get out of his conference and wondered if I could join him. I don't think I've ever felt so HEARD in my life.
And because of this small gesture, the rest of the week was great! I was so thankful.
To be fair, I know this won't last for long. If I know nothing about John, I know that it's near impossible for him to change, but it's a step in the right direction.
See? New Mexico. It's the place of miracles.
Our final day in New Mexico, we went to see my Grandad McMillin who is now 101 years old. The last time we saw him, he had some undiagnosed pain behind his left ear, and Vannette had him doped up on marijuana to try and help with the pain. I didn't think I would ever be with him again with a clear mind, but gratefully, he was his normal self again. Unfortunately, his body only gives him about 15 minutes before he needs to sleep again, but for those 15 minutes, he sounds and talks like the Grandad I knew growing up. I didn't take a picture of him because he looks almost skeletal, and I don't want to remember him that way, but I'm thankful that if it was the last time I'll ever see him alive (and I've been saying this for 20 years), he was clear of mind. Again, miracles.
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We had an economy car reserved at Sixt. They upgraded us to this BMW SUV ;-) #miracles |
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