We have several fun traditions on New Years Eve, but my favorite moment of the day/evening is taking time to evaluate the goals I set for the current year, read my patriarchal blessing, and set new goals for the upcoming year.
Last year, I had a pretty simple goal for 2020: survive and thrive. It is crazy for me to think of this exact time last year, remembering that we were unemployed, uninsured, and unsure of our future. I had to keep the goal simple. Stay calm through the unknown, but when the unknown became the known, make the best of it all.
I will say that I have been successful. Yes, it became easy once John got a job, we bought a house, and I could relax again, but it all came at a price. The price of following the commandments and staying true to my covenants. The year preceding was a test for John and me. Could we stay true to all that we had professed "knowing" our entire lives through the fire of affliction? It wasn't easy to continue paying tithing when we knew our income was coming to an end; it wasn't easy to give my time to the Lord when I felt abandoned by him; and the hardest was continuing on with optimism when all seemed lost. But we did it. We clung to each other and to the Lord, and the blessings followed.
This year has been inspiring for me to look back on. I have grown in ways I never anticipated. I think one of the greatest blessings has been the Come, Follow Me program. Our family has embraced it in a way that fills me with joy. I haven't missed a single week with at least one member of the family, and I believe with the exception of two weeks, we have all joined in. I love to hear the spiritual thoughts and feelings of my family members. My children are such deep thinkers and so connected to the Spirit and to the scriptures. They bring up ideas and thoughts that cause me to think even more, and that cause me to marvel at the adult human beings they have become.
Too, what a blessing COVID has been for us. We have had time to spend together that I know we will never have again. Yes, I wish we could have spent those weeks together traveling somewhere fantastic, but sitting at home together wasn't half bad.
And walking. It's been many, many years since we've lived in a neighborhood where I could walk for miles and miles, but what a blessing our neighborhood is now. Every section of our neighborhood has been named by us: The Avenue, Shady Loop, the Loop-d-loop, Grad Circle, and just "the block". I have such good feelings about where we live because I can head out each day for my five miles, listening to the scriptures and to conference talks, and call up friends. It's such a highlight of my day.
So for this year, I feel like I need to stretch myself. 2020 has been a gift from God in my life, and I probably need to work on giving back more to Him. Hannah asked me on Monday what my goals were going to be for this new year, and I hadn't given it much specific thought until now. So, looking at my patriarchal blessing and trying to be inspired by the Spirit, I think I know where I want 2021 to go for me personally:
A major theme for me in 2020 was "hope". When President Lund gave me my blessing in the temple over a year ago, he blessed me that certain words would stand out to me, and that I should know that those words were given to me by the Lord for my own good. Hope has been a recurring word/theme, and I think there's a reason.
Over the past five or six years, I can feel moments in my life when I lose all hope. I don't think I could identify that feeling specifically until recently. It reminds me of the Dementors in Harry Potter (and it makes me wonder how J.K. Rowling could create such a dire and drastic situation without having experienced it herself). I felt a loss of hope when our PA house didn't sell and we lost everything. I lost hope as well when John's situation with his job just kept getting worse and worse. And over this Christmas vacation, I had yet another opportunity to feel a complete loss of hope. The problem with losing hope is that it is the foundation of faith, so if there is no hope, there is no possibility of having faith in anything. I see hope as the belief in all things good and that there is a possibility of something happening, whereas faith is the action on that belief. I must admit that when I have approached Heavenly Father with the thought that I have lost all hope, I am led to be touched by the Spirit in a sacred and profound way that reminds me that Heavenly Father is very aware of me personally, and in that moment, He will give me a lifeline to hold onto. It's usually a slim one, and it's a tenuous thing to keep it in the forefront of my mind, but it's enough.
So I think for 2021, I will spend more time learning about hope and figuring out how to value it as much as its cousins, faith and charity. And I will attempt to concentrate on those lifelines and appreciate that they are given to me for a purpose.
I'll also keep working on losing weight ;-)
And there isn't any reason to give up on my November goal of being kinder to my children. They have noticed a difference, and it has brought peace to my family.
And speaking of peace, my patriarchal blessing talks about uniting with John over and over. I need to focus on that. Stop being as frustrated with him and speaking poorly of him and focus on the good.
21 minutes until 2021. Bring it on.
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