It goes without saying that I love genealogy. I've recorded my earliest memories of being exposed to genealogy when I would sit in the Lubbock Public Library reading books in the children's section while my mother spent hours with her head in a microfilm reader. I was also brought to the Family History Library in Salt Lake City for one week a year from the ages of 10-13 where my mom would send me off to the copier with some book and a stack of dimes to make copies for her. She made sure that my "Book of Remembrance" was completed almost immediately when I received it as a gift for my eighth birthday. I knew the birthdays and birth places of my parents and all of my grandparents and even some of my great-grandparents from the time I was very young. While I've never spoken to my mother about her love of genealogy, I imagine she feels much the same feelings that I do in that she wants to have a connection to or a knowledge of who she is because she has so little living family on earth.
I was very blessed to have some very sacred experiences in 2019. President Lund, one of the Detroit temple presidency members, had blessed me with being able to feel the support and love from the spirits of my family who were beyond the veil while John and I were living through hell. He knew I felt very alone and deserted because of my lack of extended family and told me that I would know that they are physically near. Twice it happened after that blessing. Once in the car when I was praying, and once in the celestial room. It was as if my father and the rest of my family were physically present and able to be seen with mortal eyes when I "saw" them.
This past New Years day, I decided to try a new tradition with the family who were visiting. We pulled out our patriarchal blessings and read them to ourselves. I was hoping that we would be able to see new things in our blessings or simply be reminded of things we already knew, and set goals based on those. I felt like there was little for me to find "anew" in my mine, but I let the spirit guide me, because as I learned recently when Ethan redefined "the programs of the church" for me that are mentioned in my blessing, maybe I don't see everything in my blessing for what it truly is.
On several occasions, my blessings references family, but I've always felt like it's a little bit weird, mostly because I don't have any family. Here's the order in which those references appear in my blessing:
"Have faith in those you leave behind, knowing that they will be as the Lord would want them to be. And they will be helping and waiting and doing all the things they can to bring about the great blessings that you seek in your life."
There is then one of the largest paragraphs in my blessing. It speaks specifically about genealogy and temple work and what a large part of my life it will be. It tells me that the people for whom I do the work will become members of the church.
"We bless you to continue to be loving and kind and thoughtful about the needs of others. Remember that great people have made it possible for you to be here upon the earth."
Okay. So the first paragraph. I always assumed that it was people I left behind to go to college (the patriarch referenced me leaving for college several times in my blessing....which I was doing in less than a week). It wasn't many people--just my mom and John, and quite honestly, I knew my mom wasn't doing anything to help me. But last week as I was reading this, I had the clarity of mind to see that it is my extended family, specifically my dad. I have always worried about his status beyond the veil because he didn't accept the gospel while here on earth. But reading that paragraph again, I know that he's okay, and that he is indeed doing all that he can to help bring about blessings for me. And my grandparents Caruthers. When they died, I left them behind in Tallahassee. I haven't been back, and that chapter of my life is closed. But I have no doubt, that just like in life, they are doing all they can to bless my life.
Okay. Let's jump to the third paragraph. Great people have made it possible for you to be here upon the earth. What does that even mean? However, when I look at my life and focus on the fact that I am the only member of my extended family, and when I look at the index card box that I have full of cards of names of my family members for whom I have completed the work, I realize that I have indeed functioned as a "savior on Mount Zion" for my family. We never know God's plan before it happens, but I'd like to think that all of the random circumstances that led to me even being born let alone joining the church as a child were to help my ancestors be saved.
Now, looking at the order of the portions of those three paragraphs, I see something larger. Patriarch Caldwell wasn't an eloquent man. Some of the paragraphs in my blessing are just one long, run-on sentence, and he didn't use any fancy words. Sometimes it seems like he struggled to put into words the inspiration he was receiving. But if I take those three paragraphs into mind with the thought that they are all about my ancestors, I think he saw something very large and very wonderful about this extended family that I have. Working in the temple so frequently, I appreciate that there is a very sacred connection between us and our family beyond the veil, and that indeed, the veil can be very thin. I remember a friend I had in Kalamazoo who first mentioned to me the idea that our ancestors behind the veil can provide the means for us to find their names, often miraculously. I have this vision now of this very large family doing all that they can to help me, to sustain me, to support me, and to allow me to feel the love that I am so lacking here on earth, and thinking of that, I feel like I can go on. What a blessing.
And with that, one final thought. One of my favorite TV shows is "Finding Your Roots" with Henry Louis Gates. This past week, he had three African American guests on his show, and inevitably the research and the discussion turns to their ancestors who lived in slavery. But Jon Batiste, an African American band leader who works on the Stephen Colbert show, brought up a very interesting perspective. While he feels so sad for his ancestors who lived through slavery, he feels like his position now brings hope to what they did. That because of their hard times, he can be here today, living the dream.
That's what I would like to think I am doing for my ancestors. Just within two generations of my family, there is so much sadness and dysfunction, and it sometimes feels like a miracle that I'm even here. But with my husband and children and the happy family we have created, and with the vicarious work I'm able to perform for all of my family members, I like to think that I too am giving them hope. And the dream that I have always had (and why I don't freely share my temple names just to get them done) is that someday, when I move to the other side of the veil, that family will be there waiting for me with open arms, and we will have the reassurance that we are sealed together because of all the work I did, and I will have a clearer vision of all that they did to help me live my very best life.
I was very blessed to have some very sacred experiences in 2019. President Lund, one of the Detroit temple presidency members, had blessed me with being able to feel the support and love from the spirits of my family who were beyond the veil while John and I were living through hell. He knew I felt very alone and deserted because of my lack of extended family and told me that I would know that they are physically near. Twice it happened after that blessing. Once in the car when I was praying, and once in the celestial room. It was as if my father and the rest of my family were physically present and able to be seen with mortal eyes when I "saw" them.
This past New Years day, I decided to try a new tradition with the family who were visiting. We pulled out our patriarchal blessings and read them to ourselves. I was hoping that we would be able to see new things in our blessings or simply be reminded of things we already knew, and set goals based on those. I felt like there was little for me to find "anew" in my mine, but I let the spirit guide me, because as I learned recently when Ethan redefined "the programs of the church" for me that are mentioned in my blessing, maybe I don't see everything in my blessing for what it truly is.
On several occasions, my blessings references family, but I've always felt like it's a little bit weird, mostly because I don't have any family. Here's the order in which those references appear in my blessing:
"Have faith in those you leave behind, knowing that they will be as the Lord would want them to be. And they will be helping and waiting and doing all the things they can to bring about the great blessings that you seek in your life."
There is then one of the largest paragraphs in my blessing. It speaks specifically about genealogy and temple work and what a large part of my life it will be. It tells me that the people for whom I do the work will become members of the church.
"We bless you to continue to be loving and kind and thoughtful about the needs of others. Remember that great people have made it possible for you to be here upon the earth."
Okay. So the first paragraph. I always assumed that it was people I left behind to go to college (the patriarch referenced me leaving for college several times in my blessing....which I was doing in less than a week). It wasn't many people--just my mom and John, and quite honestly, I knew my mom wasn't doing anything to help me. But last week as I was reading this, I had the clarity of mind to see that it is my extended family, specifically my dad. I have always worried about his status beyond the veil because he didn't accept the gospel while here on earth. But reading that paragraph again, I know that he's okay, and that he is indeed doing all that he can to help bring about blessings for me. And my grandparents Caruthers. When they died, I left them behind in Tallahassee. I haven't been back, and that chapter of my life is closed. But I have no doubt, that just like in life, they are doing all they can to bless my life.
Okay. Let's jump to the third paragraph. Great people have made it possible for you to be here upon the earth. What does that even mean? However, when I look at my life and focus on the fact that I am the only member of my extended family, and when I look at the index card box that I have full of cards of names of my family members for whom I have completed the work, I realize that I have indeed functioned as a "savior on Mount Zion" for my family. We never know God's plan before it happens, but I'd like to think that all of the random circumstances that led to me even being born let alone joining the church as a child were to help my ancestors be saved.
Now, looking at the order of the portions of those three paragraphs, I see something larger. Patriarch Caldwell wasn't an eloquent man. Some of the paragraphs in my blessing are just one long, run-on sentence, and he didn't use any fancy words. Sometimes it seems like he struggled to put into words the inspiration he was receiving. But if I take those three paragraphs into mind with the thought that they are all about my ancestors, I think he saw something very large and very wonderful about this extended family that I have. Working in the temple so frequently, I appreciate that there is a very sacred connection between us and our family beyond the veil, and that indeed, the veil can be very thin. I remember a friend I had in Kalamazoo who first mentioned to me the idea that our ancestors behind the veil can provide the means for us to find their names, often miraculously. I have this vision now of this very large family doing all that they can to help me, to sustain me, to support me, and to allow me to feel the love that I am so lacking here on earth, and thinking of that, I feel like I can go on. What a blessing.
And with that, one final thought. One of my favorite TV shows is "Finding Your Roots" with Henry Louis Gates. This past week, he had three African American guests on his show, and inevitably the research and the discussion turns to their ancestors who lived in slavery. But Jon Batiste, an African American band leader who works on the Stephen Colbert show, brought up a very interesting perspective. While he feels so sad for his ancestors who lived through slavery, he feels like his position now brings hope to what they did. That because of their hard times, he can be here today, living the dream.
That's what I would like to think I am doing for my ancestors. Just within two generations of my family, there is so much sadness and dysfunction, and it sometimes feels like a miracle that I'm even here. But with my husband and children and the happy family we have created, and with the vicarious work I'm able to perform for all of my family members, I like to think that I too am giving them hope. And the dream that I have always had (and why I don't freely share my temple names just to get them done) is that someday, when I move to the other side of the veil, that family will be there waiting for me with open arms, and we will have the reassurance that we are sealed together because of all the work I did, and I will have a clearer vision of all that they did to help me live my very best life.
Comments
Post a Comment