Two weeks ago, I got a message on Facebook Messenger from my cousin, Eric Apgar. His father, Charlie Apgar, is the brother of my dad, Rick Apgar (and the only surviving brother of the three brothers from Gram and Larry Apgar). He and I have never met, but he friended me several years ago. I think he appreciates my interest in genealogy. He told me that he was going to be in Michigan, and he asked if he could stop by.
My heart skipped several beats, and I felt a whole lot of excitement. Extended family? Coming to visit ME?
I figured at some point he would back out, but a few days before, I messaged him and asked him what he would like for lunch. Burgers? Sandwiches? He told me that he was vegan. I chose spring rolls without the chicken ;-)
I didn't think about his visit much while in Orlando, but once I got home, the worry set in. Honestly, if we'd been going out to lunch, I thought it would have been better because, let's face it, feeding people is always a major stress. But it was Sunday. And he had said that he'd like to eat at our house.
This morning was ward conference which meant John and I had to be a church for an extended ward council at 7:45 a.m. I played organ. I attended a youth meeting with stake leaders. I then had an hour to get everything ready before he was to arrive.
Just minutes before, I let John know that I thought I might pass out. And what I didn't tell him was that I might just vomit before I passed out. But Eric knocked on the door, and I stepped into the living room.
I didn't know what to expect. My mother always had terrible things to say about all of the Apgars, but I know her way of thinking is very warped, so now I try to think of them with a very open mind.
Eric was a delightful person, family or not. In fact, if I had met him in real life, I would definitely want to hang out with him or have him over for dinner (well, minus the vegan issues). He was very open about never having met me and sat right down. He asked me to give him my life story.
I kid you not, I have never had a person ask me to do that. It was so liberating.
I kept it to family things. You know, just the usual. Abuse. Manipulation. Abandonment. Divorce. Death. :-)
And in a beautiful turn of events, he felt so sad for me. There is seriously no better reaction to my life story than just sadness, and he reacted so perfectly. He has a very soft heart and is an excellent listener. In fact, one thing that he doesn't have that John and I have in spades is anxiety. He was just so calm. He's had a lot of jobs as an adult, but I think he should think about psychologist for the next one.
He just started eating vegan because a hockey friend of his keeled over on the ice rink at the age of 51 from a heart attack and died. And he doesn't want to die early.
He also told me that he was named for my dad, Richard Apgar (who went by Rick his entire life). His parents didn't like the name Richard, so they named him Eric, but as a child (and until he left for college), he was Rick or Ricky to the entire Apgar family. Isn't that so beautiful?
He brought me a book that Columbia University (the medical center where Virginia Apgar was admitted) printed on the 50th anniversary of her graduation (?). It's really beautiful and full of photos and information about her. It's incredible to see her standing as the only woman among a sea of men.
And in the end, guess what? He wanted a picture of us together. I actually told him that I couldn't believe it--my mother had never hung or displayed a picture of me in our home, so I could hardly believe that he would want to take my picture and show it to other people.
I thought I would walk away from the experience, feeling really, really bad, but he was so kind and open and receptive to meeting me that when he left, I felt nothing but good.
My heart skipped several beats, and I felt a whole lot of excitement. Extended family? Coming to visit ME?
I figured at some point he would back out, but a few days before, I messaged him and asked him what he would like for lunch. Burgers? Sandwiches? He told me that he was vegan. I chose spring rolls without the chicken ;-)
I didn't think about his visit much while in Orlando, but once I got home, the worry set in. Honestly, if we'd been going out to lunch, I thought it would have been better because, let's face it, feeding people is always a major stress. But it was Sunday. And he had said that he'd like to eat at our house.
This morning was ward conference which meant John and I had to be a church for an extended ward council at 7:45 a.m. I played organ. I attended a youth meeting with stake leaders. I then had an hour to get everything ready before he was to arrive.
Just minutes before, I let John know that I thought I might pass out. And what I didn't tell him was that I might just vomit before I passed out. But Eric knocked on the door, and I stepped into the living room.
I didn't know what to expect. My mother always had terrible things to say about all of the Apgars, but I know her way of thinking is very warped, so now I try to think of them with a very open mind.
Eric was a delightful person, family or not. In fact, if I had met him in real life, I would definitely want to hang out with him or have him over for dinner (well, minus the vegan issues). He was very open about never having met me and sat right down. He asked me to give him my life story.
I kid you not, I have never had a person ask me to do that. It was so liberating.
I kept it to family things. You know, just the usual. Abuse. Manipulation. Abandonment. Divorce. Death. :-)
And in a beautiful turn of events, he felt so sad for me. There is seriously no better reaction to my life story than just sadness, and he reacted so perfectly. He has a very soft heart and is an excellent listener. In fact, one thing that he doesn't have that John and I have in spades is anxiety. He was just so calm. He's had a lot of jobs as an adult, but I think he should think about psychologist for the next one.
He just started eating vegan because a hockey friend of his keeled over on the ice rink at the age of 51 from a heart attack and died. And he doesn't want to die early.
He also told me that he was named for my dad, Richard Apgar (who went by Rick his entire life). His parents didn't like the name Richard, so they named him Eric, but as a child (and until he left for college), he was Rick or Ricky to the entire Apgar family. Isn't that so beautiful?He brought me a book that Columbia University (the medical center where Virginia Apgar was admitted) printed on the 50th anniversary of her graduation (?). It's really beautiful and full of photos and information about her. It's incredible to see her standing as the only woman among a sea of men.
And in the end, guess what? He wanted a picture of us together. I actually told him that I couldn't believe it--my mother had never hung or displayed a picture of me in our home, so I could hardly believe that he would want to take my picture and show it to other people.
I thought I would walk away from the experience, feeling really, really bad, but he was so kind and open and receptive to meeting me that when he left, I felt nothing but good.
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