This week brought a chapter in my life to a close. More importantly, it closed a chapter in the book of Mark also.
This past semester of college has been Mark's last as a college musician. In some ways, this is a relief to Mark in that he won't feel the daily pressure to practice anymore, nor will he have mandatory attendance at various performances and dress rehearsals at all times of the day or night.
However, there is an expected amount of sadness at knowing this is the end. Yes, he can participate in community music events, and he might even teach someday, but it takes a lot of courage to admit that he won't be a professional musician.
He has been practicing daily since he was ten years old. He has dragged his horn on every vacation we've taken. He's won competitions and attended Interlochen for years. People have asked for his autograph because they figure it will be valuable someday. He has brought people to tears with his music in church. And after all of that dedication, it's hard to think about him closing this chapter of his life.
Back in February, he gave his senior recital. It was a wonderful recital, full of great music and even greater confidence from Mark. He even fulfilled my dream of his siblings performing together (outside of church) and agreed to play the Brahms' horn trio with Glo on violin. We had milk and pie for refreshments afterwards. It was such an incredibly happy moment.
And then, this past weekend, he played his last symphonic concert as a college musician. Again, great music and great confidence from our boy who has given so much to horn over the last thirteen years of his life.
At the end of the concert, a couple of people gave standing ovations, and John asked me, "Should we stand?"
I don't give standing ovations easily. I believe that they truly must be earned, and the fact that every elementary, middle school and high school concert in our area receives them diminishes their significance in my mind. The Philadelphia Orchestra? Yes, they always deserve a standing ovation. Did the University Symphony Orchestra of the University of Michigan deserve one that night? No. However, my boy did.
After John and I stood up, John said to me (over the applause), "We're standing for Mark."
And in that moment, I couldn't think of a better reason to give a standing ovation. If anyone deserved recognition of a life well led, it was my angel boy.
In the minute or two that I was left standing and clapping, I thought of all that Mark is and has done. Here are just a couple of things that crossed my mind:
He's such an obedient and humble boy. Back in our sweet lives in Germany, he wanted to play saxophone in the school band. So did every other kid. I told Mark that he should write down "french horn" as his first choice because he would have a better chance of getting exactly what he wanted (instead of losing out on playing saxophone and getting assigned some random instrument). As it turned out, he was the only one who requested french horn....and the rest is history. What a good boy to take some advice from me.
He's consistent and tenacious. It takes a lot of effort to maintain such a long term goal for so long. Like I said, practicing horn is always in the front of his mind. If he's had a busy day, and it's 11:30 at night, he'll still pull out his horn to get in his practicing for the day. He's taken his horn on every vacation, practicing in more hotels, cruise ships and rentals home than I want to think about. He even took it on his mission and was allowed 30 minutes a day of practicing for the last few months. No amount of exhaustion or lack of time has kept him from doing what he needed to do.
He's so talented, and as John says, he's an artist through and through. While Mark will admit that he isn't the very, absolute best hornist on the planet, he's plays better than 95% of other hornists. His music scholarship to Michigan alone has saved us over $100,000. And there's no one with whom I would rather discuss music than him. He appreciates not only the technical requirements of any performance, but he appreciates the beauty of the notes and the vision of the composer. It sometimes feels like Mark can paint a picture of a piece of music with his descriptions of the music. I love it.
He's sensitive and kind. I think these qualities are what keep Mark in the "Der Geliebte" position amongst the kids :-) It's been difficult for Mark to deal with the selfish, egocentric personalities that fill the seats of the orchestras of music halls. Musicians, as a general class of people, need to think about themselves constantly. They devise plans to get ahead of everyone else, and in the process, they step on a lot of toes. And when they are the best, many of them don't remember that it's still worth it to be kind to those who aren't. Mark has resisted that impulse, and while it may have proved his downfall in the music world, it has earned him respect and love from his fellow musicians. He sat first horn this last concert, and he told me a sweet story that pretty much sums up Mark's attitude as a musician:
First horns, because of the need to save their lip for the difficult sections, always have an assistant horn sitting next to them who takes the easy (aka boring) parts of the musical work. Mark has sat assistant more times than anyone should ever need to, and he has been abused by some real jerks. He's actually had first horns who don't allow him to play anything during an entire piece (again, that selfish, egocentric personality overwhelms all). Imagine how awful it would be to sit on a stage for an entire piece just holding your horn and not playing anything. Yep, it's happened to Mark. However, Mark has refused to enter that world of meanness and has remembered what sitting assistant feels like.
So, in Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet, there is an incredibly high note that even tries the lips of professional hornists. A high C. The assistant turned to Mark and told him that she just drops out on that note because she doesn't want to miss it and sound bad. Mark told me that he turned to her and told her that she needed to go for it. He told her that he probably wasn't going to hit it either, but she definitely wouldn't hit it if she didn't try. From what he told me, I could tell that he gave her the sense that she was sitting in a judgement free chair. That he wouldn't be angry at her, or think less of her if she didn't hit it.
And you know what? They both went for the note in the performance....and they both missed it.
As much as I know a lot of music, I didn't hear the biff. And that girl? That assistant? She has learned a valuable lesson sitting next to Mark. A lesson that most musicians will never be given the opportunity to learn because of their self-serving, arrogant stand partners. How blessed we all are to be around Mark, because his kindness and generosity extends way beyond the performance hall. He loves all of us no matter our weaknesses, and he honestly sees the good in people. What a sweet man he is.
Finally, Mark is courageous. It takes a lot of courage to admit that a life goal isn't going to work out exactly how you want it to. However, the beauty of Mark's life is that he has always been interested in many things...and really good at most of them. As a senior, he's trying to decide now if he wants to enter a Russian-speaking field, or if he wants to be a doctor. And he's never even taken a science class in college. But Mark is smart and determined, and he's figuring it out. I worry more about Mark than I do about my other children combined, but in the end, he always works things out. He works things out in all areas of his life. I honestly wish I was more like that in my own. Not scared to take a risk to find happiness.
And as a side note, another thing that was difficult for Mark to give up several years ago was rowing. He had to make a choice: rowing or music. He couldn't do both, because both required too much time. And he's felt really badly about having to give it up. But as he told me the other day, he doesn't regret that decision anymore, because as he gave up rowing, he started working as a rowing coach. And low and behold, another human being signed on as a rowing coach too. And that's turned out pretty well.
And in the end, that's why I stood. Mark has embodied all that is good in a person. He takes risks, and they sometimes pay off and sometimes don't, but he finds the good in every decision. He has refused to step in the mold of most other musicians but instead has formed his own path. He wasn't entirely successful in that he won't be playing professionally for the rest of his life, but he will never say he should have done something different. During his last horn lesson this past week, his professor said, "I hope you don't regret getting a music degree, Mark," and Mark told him that he never has and he never will.
His biggest regret would have been not trying at all.
And for that reason, we all stand and applaud for you, Mark. In our hearts, you ARE the best.
This past semester of college has been Mark's last as a college musician. In some ways, this is a relief to Mark in that he won't feel the daily pressure to practice anymore, nor will he have mandatory attendance at various performances and dress rehearsals at all times of the day or night.
However, there is an expected amount of sadness at knowing this is the end. Yes, he can participate in community music events, and he might even teach someday, but it takes a lot of courage to admit that he won't be a professional musician.
He has been practicing daily since he was ten years old. He has dragged his horn on every vacation we've taken. He's won competitions and attended Interlochen for years. People have asked for his autograph because they figure it will be valuable someday. He has brought people to tears with his music in church. And after all of that dedication, it's hard to think about him closing this chapter of his life.
Back in February, he gave his senior recital. It was a wonderful recital, full of great music and even greater confidence from Mark. He even fulfilled my dream of his siblings performing together (outside of church) and agreed to play the Brahms' horn trio with Glo on violin. We had milk and pie for refreshments afterwards. It was such an incredibly happy moment.
And then, this past weekend, he played his last symphonic concert as a college musician. Again, great music and great confidence from our boy who has given so much to horn over the last thirteen years of his life.
At the end of the concert, a couple of people gave standing ovations, and John asked me, "Should we stand?"
I don't give standing ovations easily. I believe that they truly must be earned, and the fact that every elementary, middle school and high school concert in our area receives them diminishes their significance in my mind. The Philadelphia Orchestra? Yes, they always deserve a standing ovation. Did the University Symphony Orchestra of the University of Michigan deserve one that night? No. However, my boy did.After John and I stood up, John said to me (over the applause), "We're standing for Mark."
And in that moment, I couldn't think of a better reason to give a standing ovation. If anyone deserved recognition of a life well led, it was my angel boy.
In the minute or two that I was left standing and clapping, I thought of all that Mark is and has done. Here are just a couple of things that crossed my mind:
He's such an obedient and humble boy. Back in our sweet lives in Germany, he wanted to play saxophone in the school band. So did every other kid. I told Mark that he should write down "french horn" as his first choice because he would have a better chance of getting exactly what he wanted (instead of losing out on playing saxophone and getting assigned some random instrument). As it turned out, he was the only one who requested french horn....and the rest is history. What a good boy to take some advice from me.
He's consistent and tenacious. It takes a lot of effort to maintain such a long term goal for so long. Like I said, practicing horn is always in the front of his mind. If he's had a busy day, and it's 11:30 at night, he'll still pull out his horn to get in his practicing for the day. He's taken his horn on every vacation, practicing in more hotels, cruise ships and rentals home than I want to think about. He even took it on his mission and was allowed 30 minutes a day of practicing for the last few months. No amount of exhaustion or lack of time has kept him from doing what he needed to do.
He's so talented, and as John says, he's an artist through and through. While Mark will admit that he isn't the very, absolute best hornist on the planet, he's plays better than 95% of other hornists. His music scholarship to Michigan alone has saved us over $100,000. And there's no one with whom I would rather discuss music than him. He appreciates not only the technical requirements of any performance, but he appreciates the beauty of the notes and the vision of the composer. It sometimes feels like Mark can paint a picture of a piece of music with his descriptions of the music. I love it.
He's sensitive and kind. I think these qualities are what keep Mark in the "Der Geliebte" position amongst the kids :-) It's been difficult for Mark to deal with the selfish, egocentric personalities that fill the seats of the orchestras of music halls. Musicians, as a general class of people, need to think about themselves constantly. They devise plans to get ahead of everyone else, and in the process, they step on a lot of toes. And when they are the best, many of them don't remember that it's still worth it to be kind to those who aren't. Mark has resisted that impulse, and while it may have proved his downfall in the music world, it has earned him respect and love from his fellow musicians. He sat first horn this last concert, and he told me a sweet story that pretty much sums up Mark's attitude as a musician:
First horns, because of the need to save their lip for the difficult sections, always have an assistant horn sitting next to them who takes the easy (aka boring) parts of the musical work. Mark has sat assistant more times than anyone should ever need to, and he has been abused by some real jerks. He's actually had first horns who don't allow him to play anything during an entire piece (again, that selfish, egocentric personality overwhelms all). Imagine how awful it would be to sit on a stage for an entire piece just holding your horn and not playing anything. Yep, it's happened to Mark. However, Mark has refused to enter that world of meanness and has remembered what sitting assistant feels like.
So, in Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet, there is an incredibly high note that even tries the lips of professional hornists. A high C. The assistant turned to Mark and told him that she just drops out on that note because she doesn't want to miss it and sound bad. Mark told me that he turned to her and told her that she needed to go for it. He told her that he probably wasn't going to hit it either, but she definitely wouldn't hit it if she didn't try. From what he told me, I could tell that he gave her the sense that she was sitting in a judgement free chair. That he wouldn't be angry at her, or think less of her if she didn't hit it.
And you know what? They both went for the note in the performance....and they both missed it.
As much as I know a lot of music, I didn't hear the biff. And that girl? That assistant? She has learned a valuable lesson sitting next to Mark. A lesson that most musicians will never be given the opportunity to learn because of their self-serving, arrogant stand partners. How blessed we all are to be around Mark, because his kindness and generosity extends way beyond the performance hall. He loves all of us no matter our weaknesses, and he honestly sees the good in people. What a sweet man he is.
 |
| When all of the seniors were introduced and stood, I honestly wish I could have stolen the microphone and told the audience that my boy was much more than just a graduating senior! |
And as a side note, another thing that was difficult for Mark to give up several years ago was rowing. He had to make a choice: rowing or music. He couldn't do both, because both required too much time. And he's felt really badly about having to give it up. But as he told me the other day, he doesn't regret that decision anymore, because as he gave up rowing, he started working as a rowing coach. And low and behold, another human being signed on as a rowing coach too. And that's turned out pretty well.
And in the end, that's why I stood. Mark has embodied all that is good in a person. He takes risks, and they sometimes pay off and sometimes don't, but he finds the good in every decision. He has refused to step in the mold of most other musicians but instead has formed his own path. He wasn't entirely successful in that he won't be playing professionally for the rest of his life, but he will never say he should have done something different. During his last horn lesson this past week, his professor said, "I hope you don't regret getting a music degree, Mark," and Mark told him that he never has and he never will.
His biggest regret would have been not trying at all.
And for that reason, we all stand and applaud for you, Mark. In our hearts, you ARE the best.
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