Johannah's Mission Call

When the First Presidency announced a couple of years ago that women could serve missions at the age of 19, Johannah was pretty sure she wanted to do it.  She was a freshman at BYU, and she had just turned 18.  I have to admit that I was pretty nervous about Hannie going, and selfishly, I was happy that (after four long years) our family was back together again.  The thought of not being together for another eighteen months made me sad.

A funny thing happened though on the way to the forum....

Hannie began praying about whether or not it was the right thing for her, and she kept getting the answer that it wasn't the right thing.  Even after I came around (and dropped my selfish robes), she still felt that she wasn't supposed to go.  And in my head, by this point, I was itching for her TO go.

Something I have learned from the boys serving missions is that there is really no reason for a single adult to not go on a mission.  It's a very personal decision, and I'm not making any kind of blanket statement.  However, if all signs point towards GO, go!  The boys left as pretty great kids, but they came back as really great men.  I might venture that the girls are even more mature than the boys, so just think how a mission can improve all of the good that is already there.  However, it's not a duty for women, so it's a different kind of choice.  I prayed that Heavenly Father would let Hannie go on a mission.

Then, a couple of months ago, Mikaela Gardner was giving her mission farewell talk in the ward.  It was seriously one of the most beautiful talks I've ever heard given in sacrament meeting, mission farewell or otherwise.  She spoke of charity, the pure love of Christ, and she explained how pondering the idea of charity had led to her deciding to go on a mission.  I've known Mikaela for years, and I've always known that she has a good head on her shoulders, but this talk showed me how deep her testimony runs.

As she was finishing up her talk, I had this overwhelming feeling (again) that Hannah should go on a mission.  However, I have learned that nothing good comes from counseling God.  But at the moment that this conversation was happening in my mind, Hannah turned to me, with tears in her eyes, and said, "I think I'm supposed to serve a mission."

And to her credit, she never looked back.

There was an answer in that moment.  It came to me, and it came to her.  I wish I could understand God's timing in it all.  Why did she need to wait?  Why was it okay to go now?  I can't begin to understand it all, but I can't deny that it was supposed to happen just then.  Hannie didn't need any kind of validation from me, because in all honesty, she already recognizes the promptings of the Spirit, but I'm so thankful that when she got the prompting that she had been waiting for, there was no delay.  No second guessing.  No discussion with or approval from any of us.  She just ran with it.

It took her about two weeks to get everything done, and no joke, she did it all herself.  From filling out the mountains of forms, to scheduling the interviews with her bishop and stake president, to getting all the necessary medical exams, she did it all.  It was like she had been waiting for years to leave the starting gate, and the gun had finally been fired.

Because of General Conference, her stake president thought he knew when her call would come.  It's usually a two week process, but with Conference, he imagined it would be three.  So the waiting began.

For the Kennedy family, getting a mission call ranks as one of our top spiritual experiences.  While it might be fun to treat it like other people we see, throwing a party and reading it in front of a dorm or a school class, we keep it all close.  In all honesty, it feels like a personal letter to my children from their Heavenly Father.  It's a letter that says that they have lived their lives well enough to be able to serve a mission, and it tells them where their Father in Heaven wants them to serve, and in mind, that moment should be shared with only a few close family members.

And in that phrase "where their Father in Heaven wants them to serve" is a study in faith.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my boys were sent exactly where they were supposed to serve.  I'm not sure if I've ever recorded my own spiritual experience of Ethan receiving his mission call, so here goes.

Ethan was attending American University, and his call came in the mail, to our house, on a day when we were driving down to visit him.  As I got in the shower that morning, a voice came into my mind that said very simply, "Ethan will be called to the Poland Warsaw mission."  It stopped me in my shampooing tracts, because it was almost as if someone was standing there, speaking to me in person.  I could hardly move, because it was so overpowering.  The crazy thing is that I didn't even know the name of that mission, nor that the country is put before the city.

That night, as Ethan opened his call in a small study room of the library at American, I wanted to believe that I already knew where he was going, but imagine the feeling as he spoke the words "Poland Warsaw mission".  There was no denying that Poland was exactly where he was supposed to go, and I thanked Heavenly Father for giving me such a special witness.  The best part was hearing later from Ethan that as soon as he read those words, he knew in his heart that it was a calling from God.  He literally had no fear.

I wish I could say that I received the same kind of witness before Mark opened his mission call, but looking back on it now, I didn't need that witness.  I already knew, because of the experience with Ethan, that wherever Mark was going, the call was from God.  In my heart, however, I hoped that he would go to a Central American country.  Mark is so much like John:  he loves people, he's a friendly guy, and he wanted somewhere warm.  I could literally picture him walking the streets of Cancun.  However, when he got home home from a regatta, called us over Skype, and cried through the words "Russia St. Petersburg mission", I knew that it wasn't up to me to think I knew where he would go.  The Lord knows, and we all put our complete trust in Him.

The most amazing things have come to our boys since serving their missions.  It sometimes feels like blessings are just raining down on them from heaven.

And that's what I want for my girls too.

So, when Hannie submitted her papers, I fasted for one thing, and one thing only:  that as soon as she opened her mission call, she would know that it was exactly where the Lord wants her.  Don't think though that there isn't a lot of pressure on the girls, seeing the amazing skills the boys developed on their foreign missions, including learning a language.  Being called to California, or Kansas, just doesn't seem that exciting.  However, going on a mission isn't about excitement; it's about serving where the Lords needs you.  And that mindset takes a great deal of humility and faith.

In the beginning, I had the strongest impression that Hannie would serve in a German-speaking country.  In fact, I would have bet money on it (if we Mormons gambled...).  However, over the following weeks, I had a feeling that Hannah would be sent somewhere where her talents could be used for good.  I hate to even write this (because I don't really want it to happen), but Hannah hasn't had the easiest life.  Nor really have any of my children.  She (and they) have been pushed by not only John and me, but by their circumstances.  And like the rest of us, Hannah is able to accomplish a lot of amazingly difficult things at one time, and she handles it all like a champ.

So, I had a feeling that Hannah would be sent to a mission where she would be (like the rest of her life) challenged.  The boys were given horrific challenges on their missions, and I just didn't see Hannie being any different.

So, while Mark, Rebecca, Baby, Glo and I were wandering around Grand Rapids at Art Prize, I received a phone call from Hannie.  Because she rarely calls me, I was quick to answer it.  I could hardly understand her as she told me through excitement that her mission call had arrived.  I stopped dead in my tracks.  We hadn't been expecting it for another week!  And we hadn't done much that day to prepare for what we knew we would be a sacred, beautiful experience.

We set up a time later that night to Skype, and arranged everything with Ethan and John.

I'm so glad Hannie took a picture before she opened her call :-)

As we were driving home from Grand Rapids, I was thinking about how, in the next few hours, Hannah's life would change forever.  However, there was a peace in my heart, knowing that this mission call had been in the Lord's plans since before Hannie was even born.  No amount of praying here on earth was going to change what had been ordained before the world was.  Our responsibility, as a future missionary and as a future missionary's family, was to trust in where she would be sent.  And in that moment, the words of a hymn came instantly to my mind:

It may not be on the mountain height or over the stormy sea.
It may not be at the battle's front my Lord will have need of me.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls to paths that I do not know,
I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine: I'll go where you want me to go. 

Perhaps today there are loving words which Jesus would have me speak;
There may be now in the paths of sin some wanderer whom I should seek.
O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide, Tho dark and rugged the way,
My voice shall echo the message sweet: I'll say what you want me to say. 

There's surely somewhere a lowly place in earth's harvest field so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day for Jesus, the Crucified.
So trusting my all to thy tender care, And knowing thou lovest me,
I'll do thy will with a heart sincere; I'll be what you want me to be. 

I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord, Over mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord; I'll be what you want me to be.

I cannot think of a better hymn to sing before opening a mission call.  What a reminder of how we should approach everything the Lord asks us to do.  "I'll do thy will with a heart sincere; I'll be what you want me to be."

So, when we were finally all together that night, we began by singing that song.  I could hardly hold back the tears (in fact, I probably didn't), as I thought about the faith Hannah had shown the Lord for the past few years, as she had given her will over to the Lord.  She had laid aside what she actually wanted to do (serve a mission), and only went when she had received an answer.  And how beautiful is it that she was so prepared once the answer came, and how touching her response to not delay?!

A prayer was said, and it was finally time.  We didn't make any predictions where she would go, because once again, who are we to make light of something so sacred?

Johannah was so nervous as she opened the envelope.  It doesn't help that she has a notoriously difficult time opening envelopes anyways, but adding in the nervousness of a mission call?  I honestly had no idea where she would be called; I just hoped that she would be happy wherever it was.

It was so cute, seeing how happy Hannie was to just read "Dear Sister Kennedy..."  She had to stop and just reflect for a moment that her becoming a missionary was really happening.  John just wanted her to get through it and read it :-)

I do believe we were all in shock as she read the words "Ecuador Quito mission".  I don't believe any of us saw that coming....but we probably should have.  Hannie might have been the most surprised.

Being John's favorite child, it isn't at all surprising that Johannah (who was named for John) would end up in the same continent as the one where her father served.  And thinking of the two of them being able to speak together when she returns?  Priceless.

I still feel a bit of disbelief when I think about Hannie going down to Ecuador.  We Kennedys really are European people at heart.  We like nice lodging, and we understand European food.  Too, with ten years of German under her lederhosen, you would think Hannie would be a shoe-in for Europe.  That being said though, I can already see her walking the streets of Quito.  In fact, I saw one picture of Quito, and I honestly couldn't imagine Hannah going anywhere else.  That's the beautiful thing about our Heavenly Father's love for us:  we think we know what's best for us, but he sees the big picture of our lives.  He knows what's behind us, and he knows what our future holds.  The best thing is to just trust him, and let him lead us.

I can hardly wait to see how Hannah's life will be changed by this experience.  I know there will be some of the greatest experiences of her life while in Ecuador, but I'm more excited to see how her life will be blessed after she comes home.

Like I tell my kids:  the Lord already has your life planned out for you.  You just need to walk down the path.