I have found that the parenting philosophy I use for my daughters is significantly different from the one I used with my sons. I'm not sure if it's a gender issue, or if it stems from the fact that I'm a more mature, more experienced parent.
I taught my boys to endure. It didn't matter the bad situation--if they could just hold out long enough, the situation would either end, or they would overcome.
When we moved to PA, our church congregation had a terrible Scouting program in place. The boys knew something was wrong when they showed up the first week in their Scout uniforms and no other boy did. Being scouters ourselves, it was painful for John and me to see how dysfunctional the program was. However, we believed in supporting the church members who were working in the program, so our boys attended that troop..... as well as a hand-picked troop in the community. That's right--Tuesday nights they headed to church for Scouts (and did basically nothing) and Wednesday nights they headed to Bellefonte for Scouts (and did a whole lot). We didn't complain about the church program; we just supplemented it with another.
Mark was treated poorly by a group of choir kids in high school. He did nothing about it. He just endured.
Ethan's mission president's wife was very rude to me on multiple occasions. I didn't fight back (or write back). I figured she was stressed, and she didn't need more stress. Too, I didn't want her to take out any of her frustration on Ethan. I just kept my mouth quiet.
For my boys, it was always the lesson of taking the high road. It's not the easy road (that's the low road). It's the road that will cause one more pain than it will cause anyone else. It caused me more anxiety than I care to think about.
With my girls, I am teaching them the same lessons, but I'm taking matters more into my own hands now. Again, I don't know if this is a gender issue, or if I just have more parenting experience under my belt now. I have seen how suffering can affect a child as they become an adult, and I don't think it's a necessary part of childhood per se.
Glo started seminary this year (an early morning scripture study class run by our church's educational system), and Johannah was finishing up her fourth and final year. Last year, Johannah had been blessed with the best seminary teachers. A young couple who were loving and intelligent, and who could help the kids apply the principles of the gospel in their everyday lives. Johannah came home, spouting off lessons she had learned, and sharing thoughts that had sprouted in her mind as a result of exceptional teaching. As parents, we couldn't have asked for better teachers for her.
We were shocked to discover that a new teacher was assigned for this year. However, we didn't know anything about her, and we assumed the best.
I noticed after about a month that there was a distinct change in the personalities of both of my girls. They were fighting (more than normal), and they were surly. I mean, they were acting just downright nasty. This came as a huge surprise to me. Johannah left behind that teenage surly stage several years ago, and Glo was continuously unhappy. I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe it was the start of high school for Glo that was wearing her down, and I figured the stress of upcoming auditions for Johannah might be part of the problem. I knew they weren't exactly enjoying seminary, but I didn't think it was the cause of these troubles. As a backup, I thought that maybe we should pray for our seminary teacher.
A couple of weeks later, we hit a breaking point. John was extremely frustrated by how the girls were treating him, and I was pulling my hair out, not knowing the cause of all the tension in the house. I had a heart-to-heart with the girls, and boy did I get an earful. They were so unbelievably unhappy in seminary, but Glo was especially angry. She had a lot of expectations about seminary, and she was being disappointed on all counts. Even the daily social interaction with her church friends wasn't enough to offset her hateful feelings. In all honesty, not every educational situation works for every child, am I right?
I contemplated making them endure the situation as I had the boys do on so many occasions. However, I couldn't see a reason why I would.
It took almost three months to get the situation remedied. In the meantime, they were absolutely miserable. I didn't want to take them out of class until I had a solution worked out, but I see now that I should have. Because it was the middle of the year, there was only one solution. That's right--I was to be their seminary teacher.
This is not something that I wanted to do at all. As I explained it to the CES director, I am a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child. I have seen the impact that non-family members have had on my boys, and I am thankful for other good people who can influence my children to do more good. It's a blessing for us. Seminary teachers are no exception. They can share stories and ideas that I don't have, and certainly children can learn more by listening to other adults. My girls already know my testimony and have heard my stories. Would I have anything to offer them?
It wasn't until January that I could officially begin teaching them. What a world of difference!
In fact, I can't deny that it was inspiration that led me to pull them out. It was a terribly hard decision, but I see now that it was the right decision. I knew that people in our church congregation might have bad feelings towards me doing this, especially because some of their kids are in the same situation as mine were, but I had to do what was best for my girls.
Words can't begin to describe the difference in the lives of my girls, and the lives of our family. The girls are back to being their good selves, and family harmony has been restored. Of course, a side blessing is the fact that we are all learning about the scriptures together, and we have a daily opportunity to feel the Spirit together. We have been singing all of our opening hymns a capella so that Glo can practice sight-singing for her Master Singers auditions. We pulled out the videotape copy of "The Story of Ammon" (produced by The Living Scriptures) to watch, and enjoyed it thoroughly. We have "Faminary" via Skype with Ethan and Rebecca on Sunday nights, and Hannah demands that we continue with it when she goes to college. No joke, we end our lessons each day with the best of feelings, and I know that the girls and I carry those feelings out into our regular lives.
I don't believe in publicly complaining--not in schools about teachers or curriculum, not in church about leaders, not about my doctors when they spend one minute with me during my appointment, not about the nasty cashier who short-changed me $8.00 at the grocery store. I learned a hard lesson several years back that it only makes everyone's lives unhappier when we complain (including my own). I haven't complained to anyone but the necessary people to make this change in seminary. However, there are times when it's not healthy to do nothing, and it's not in our children's best interests to have them endure a bad situation. I have learned that it's good to take care of the situation in the nicest and least confrontational way possible.
Sorry Ethan and Mark. I guess I should have done this a bit more when you were here.
I taught my boys to endure. It didn't matter the bad situation--if they could just hold out long enough, the situation would either end, or they would overcome.
When we moved to PA, our church congregation had a terrible Scouting program in place. The boys knew something was wrong when they showed up the first week in their Scout uniforms and no other boy did. Being scouters ourselves, it was painful for John and me to see how dysfunctional the program was. However, we believed in supporting the church members who were working in the program, so our boys attended that troop..... as well as a hand-picked troop in the community. That's right--Tuesday nights they headed to church for Scouts (and did basically nothing) and Wednesday nights they headed to Bellefonte for Scouts (and did a whole lot). We didn't complain about the church program; we just supplemented it with another.
Mark was treated poorly by a group of choir kids in high school. He did nothing about it. He just endured.
Ethan's mission president's wife was very rude to me on multiple occasions. I didn't fight back (or write back). I figured she was stressed, and she didn't need more stress. Too, I didn't want her to take out any of her frustration on Ethan. I just kept my mouth quiet.
For my boys, it was always the lesson of taking the high road. It's not the easy road (that's the low road). It's the road that will cause one more pain than it will cause anyone else. It caused me more anxiety than I care to think about.
With my girls, I am teaching them the same lessons, but I'm taking matters more into my own hands now. Again, I don't know if this is a gender issue, or if I just have more parenting experience under my belt now. I have seen how suffering can affect a child as they become an adult, and I don't think it's a necessary part of childhood per se.
Glo started seminary this year (an early morning scripture study class run by our church's educational system), and Johannah was finishing up her fourth and final year. Last year, Johannah had been blessed with the best seminary teachers. A young couple who were loving and intelligent, and who could help the kids apply the principles of the gospel in their everyday lives. Johannah came home, spouting off lessons she had learned, and sharing thoughts that had sprouted in her mind as a result of exceptional teaching. As parents, we couldn't have asked for better teachers for her.
We were shocked to discover that a new teacher was assigned for this year. However, we didn't know anything about her, and we assumed the best.
I noticed after about a month that there was a distinct change in the personalities of both of my girls. They were fighting (more than normal), and they were surly. I mean, they were acting just downright nasty. This came as a huge surprise to me. Johannah left behind that teenage surly stage several years ago, and Glo was continuously unhappy. I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe it was the start of high school for Glo that was wearing her down, and I figured the stress of upcoming auditions for Johannah might be part of the problem. I knew they weren't exactly enjoying seminary, but I didn't think it was the cause of these troubles. As a backup, I thought that maybe we should pray for our seminary teacher.
A couple of weeks later, we hit a breaking point. John was extremely frustrated by how the girls were treating him, and I was pulling my hair out, not knowing the cause of all the tension in the house. I had a heart-to-heart with the girls, and boy did I get an earful. They were so unbelievably unhappy in seminary, but Glo was especially angry. She had a lot of expectations about seminary, and she was being disappointed on all counts. Even the daily social interaction with her church friends wasn't enough to offset her hateful feelings. In all honesty, not every educational situation works for every child, am I right?
I contemplated making them endure the situation as I had the boys do on so many occasions. However, I couldn't see a reason why I would.
It took almost three months to get the situation remedied. In the meantime, they were absolutely miserable. I didn't want to take them out of class until I had a solution worked out, but I see now that I should have. Because it was the middle of the year, there was only one solution. That's right--I was to be their seminary teacher.
This is not something that I wanted to do at all. As I explained it to the CES director, I am a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child. I have seen the impact that non-family members have had on my boys, and I am thankful for other good people who can influence my children to do more good. It's a blessing for us. Seminary teachers are no exception. They can share stories and ideas that I don't have, and certainly children can learn more by listening to other adults. My girls already know my testimony and have heard my stories. Would I have anything to offer them?
It wasn't until January that I could officially begin teaching them. What a world of difference!
In fact, I can't deny that it was inspiration that led me to pull them out. It was a terribly hard decision, but I see now that it was the right decision. I knew that people in our church congregation might have bad feelings towards me doing this, especially because some of their kids are in the same situation as mine were, but I had to do what was best for my girls.Words can't begin to describe the difference in the lives of my girls, and the lives of our family. The girls are back to being their good selves, and family harmony has been restored. Of course, a side blessing is the fact that we are all learning about the scriptures together, and we have a daily opportunity to feel the Spirit together. We have been singing all of our opening hymns a capella so that Glo can practice sight-singing for her Master Singers auditions. We pulled out the videotape copy of "The Story of Ammon" (produced by The Living Scriptures) to watch, and enjoyed it thoroughly. We have "Faminary" via Skype with Ethan and Rebecca on Sunday nights, and Hannah demands that we continue with it when she goes to college. No joke, we end our lessons each day with the best of feelings, and I know that the girls and I carry those feelings out into our regular lives.
I don't believe in publicly complaining--not in schools about teachers or curriculum, not in church about leaders, not about my doctors when they spend one minute with me during my appointment, not about the nasty cashier who short-changed me $8.00 at the grocery store. I learned a hard lesson several years back that it only makes everyone's lives unhappier when we complain (including my own). I haven't complained to anyone but the necessary people to make this change in seminary. However, there are times when it's not healthy to do nothing, and it's not in our children's best interests to have them endure a bad situation. I have learned that it's good to take care of the situation in the nicest and least confrontational way possible.
Sorry Ethan and Mark. I guess I should have done this a bit more when you were here.
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