In case you've been hiding under a rock for the past 20+ years, I have something to tell you: I don't like BYU. Or at least that's what I thought until today.
I am here in Provo, dropping off Ethan at school. He decided at the end of his mission that he wanted to attend school here (versus American University in Washington DC). While I completely support him in his decision, it didn't make me happy at all.
When I was here at BYU, I was miserable. Probably more miserable than I am living in Pennsylvania, but that's another post for another day. I was shocked by the prevalence of a Mormon culture, and I felt completely out of place when I discovered that I didn't fit into that culture. It was hard for me to make friends. Too, it was an incredibly hard time for John and me. We were newly married, and we both brought mountains of emotional baggage into our marriage. We didn't know how to handle any of it, and we really struggled. In addition, we were poor as dirt. Just paying $30 in tithing each month was a struggle, and I'm not sure how we fed or clothed ourselves looking back on it now. The hardest part though was that we were alone. We didn't have any kind of support system, and I believe it is only through our hard work and the grace of God that we made it as a couple.
Returning to the place that holds those memories is pretty tricky for me. However, we parents do what our kids need us to do, right?
This morning, I drove Ethan to transfer-student orientation on BYU campus. Unbelievably, I didn't need the GPS, nor a campus map--it was all still in the memory banks, and I got him right to the Wilkinson Center. I didn't want to drive back to the hotel, so I brought a book along and headed to the Harold B. Lee library to read.
I was walking across the quad when another one of my snide comments came to mind (I've been making them non-stop since Ethan made the decision to transfer to BYU): "I'm surprised lightning doesn't strike me down at this very moment."
Pretty funny, huh? Or, I could have said something about the Brigham Young statue falling on top of me, or anything along those lines. It would be adequate pay back for all the bad things I have said about this university for the past 20 years.
And then it hit me. I was rounding the corner, seeing all the buildings of my past, and I started to tear up. Yes, like tears were coming down my face, and I was glad I had my sunglasses on.
As much as I hated my experience at BYU because of all the social stigma and emotional drama, the university itself had been a blessing in my life. I attended three different universities, trying to complete my Bachelor of Music degree, and I spent the most time at BYU. The classes were challenging, and I enjoyed going to them. Aside from the culture and everything else that was going on around me, the university offered me a good education. I never got my degree, and it's the only regret I have in my life. I tried so hard to finish it, but it's a five-year degree at BYU, and I didn't have time before John graduated.
I realized at that point that BYU is a blessing. It's a blessing in the lives of those who are able to attend. I would give just about anything to return at this point in my life and finish that degree. To walk out, knowing that I had earned the credits and written the papers and taken the tests and performed the music, and that I was a bonified college-graduate. I have tried to find a way to finish my degree, and I spent several years trying to make it happen, but last year I came to the realization that it's just not meant to be and I gave up on the dream. And I think a few of those tears were shed for that reason alone.
If Ethan can exit that school, with a degree in hand, it's all good. He will be a better person than me, and I'll be grateful that the school taught him what it did and prepared him for the next stage in his life.
In the meantime, I still don't like Provo. Nothing's changing about that.
I am here in Provo, dropping off Ethan at school. He decided at the end of his mission that he wanted to attend school here (versus American University in Washington DC). While I completely support him in his decision, it didn't make me happy at all.
When I was here at BYU, I was miserable. Probably more miserable than I am living in Pennsylvania, but that's another post for another day. I was shocked by the prevalence of a Mormon culture, and I felt completely out of place when I discovered that I didn't fit into that culture. It was hard for me to make friends. Too, it was an incredibly hard time for John and me. We were newly married, and we both brought mountains of emotional baggage into our marriage. We didn't know how to handle any of it, and we really struggled. In addition, we were poor as dirt. Just paying $30 in tithing each month was a struggle, and I'm not sure how we fed or clothed ourselves looking back on it now. The hardest part though was that we were alone. We didn't have any kind of support system, and I believe it is only through our hard work and the grace of God that we made it as a couple.
Returning to the place that holds those memories is pretty tricky for me. However, we parents do what our kids need us to do, right?
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| Harold B. Lee Library |
I was walking across the quad when another one of my snide comments came to mind (I've been making them non-stop since Ethan made the decision to transfer to BYU): "I'm surprised lightning doesn't strike me down at this very moment."
Pretty funny, huh? Or, I could have said something about the Brigham Young statue falling on top of me, or anything along those lines. It would be adequate pay back for all the bad things I have said about this university for the past 20 years.
And then it hit me. I was rounding the corner, seeing all the buildings of my past, and I started to tear up. Yes, like tears were coming down my face, and I was glad I had my sunglasses on.
As much as I hated my experience at BYU because of all the social stigma and emotional drama, the university itself had been a blessing in my life. I attended three different universities, trying to complete my Bachelor of Music degree, and I spent the most time at BYU. The classes were challenging, and I enjoyed going to them. Aside from the culture and everything else that was going on around me, the university offered me a good education. I never got my degree, and it's the only regret I have in my life. I tried so hard to finish it, but it's a five-year degree at BYU, and I didn't have time before John graduated.
I realized at that point that BYU is a blessing. It's a blessing in the lives of those who are able to attend. I would give just about anything to return at this point in my life and finish that degree. To walk out, knowing that I had earned the credits and written the papers and taken the tests and performed the music, and that I was a bonified college-graduate. I have tried to find a way to finish my degree, and I spent several years trying to make it happen, but last year I came to the realization that it's just not meant to be and I gave up on the dream. And I think a few of those tears were shed for that reason alone.
If Ethan can exit that school, with a degree in hand, it's all good. He will be a better person than me, and I'll be grateful that the school taught him what it did and prepared him for the next stage in his life.
In the meantime, I still don't like Provo. Nothing's changing about that.
I enjoyed your post. I too was never a BYU fan. I didn't want to go there after U of M for law school. But I have so many happy memories there of our first years together and the amazing friends we still have from there. Looking back it was a blessing to pay so little for law school. Now as a parent I am already worried if my girls can get in and it's my first choice for them. Each year it becomes more and more amazing! I think Ethan will love it! :)
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