Going Through a Break-Up...at age 42

Several years ago, I read a column in Time Magazine, written by one of the female journalists.  She spoke of how hard it was on her, when her son divorced his wife.  Naturally, it was difficult for the son, and the daughter-in-law, but she felt as if she too had sadness over the situation.  Sadness in addition to what she felt for her son.  Sadness for herself.  I remembering thinking at the time how thankful I was to hope that my children would not face divorce.  I didn't want them to go through a divorce, and I didn't want to share the same feelings as the journalist.

Little did I think at the time about the girlfriends of my boys, and how a break-up between them could also affect me.

Last week, Ethan and Anna broke up.  It was devastating for both of them.  Neither of them exactly understood what had happened, considering they were both planning on marrying each other someday, but it happened nonetheless.  I could tell that it was more than Ethan could handle, just having returned from Poland, and he said very little about any of it.  It was obviously a lot for Anna too, having waited for Ethan for two years.

I feel as though I have lost a child.

Anna was a huge part of our lives.  I thought about her as much as I thought about my own children.  I worried about her, living in NYC by herself.  I loved hearing about the music she was playing.  It was always fun to check my phone and find a text from Anna.  She had spent holidays with our family, and we had fun, little expressions that we used to describe her.  The trips I took to NYC to hear her play were some of my fondest memories from the past two years.  She helped my girls were their playing too.  I saw a future in my life that included Anna.  I had resisted listening to anyone who didn't believe they could be together post-mission.  I believed in them, but more importantly, I believed in her.

I guess, above all, I saw Anna as a dear friend.

With the break-up, she has broken-up from me also.  She has "unfriended" me on Facebook, as have her siblings.  She no longer plays games with me.  No texts.  No emails.  No pictures.  No phone calls.  Nothing.  She has even spoken ill of me, and has spoken ill of the good times we had.  Words like "manipulation" have been tossed around, and it's been terribly painful for me.

When I came home from Interlochen, it really hit me how much Anna had become a part of the life of our family.  Her pictures were on the refrigerator.  Sweatshirts and blankets from Juilliard were laying around the house.  Johannah was sorting letters that Ethan had received on his mission, and the stack from Anna was the biggest one--she had done so much for him.  Even thinking about plans for Interlochen next summer, I realize that she will not be there.  Or, she won't be there with us.

I always complained that I didn't have a good picture of the two of them for the two years they were "together", so on the Homecoming weekend, I took some photos.  I never got to publish them, seeing that they broke up soon afterwards.  I publish this photo just for my own memory.  It was good while it lasted.